The Moon in her Broken Home (Broken Series #1)

Fractum 46

Broken 46: Healed

The healing process is very fulfilling. It’s the moment you choose to think about it but you don’t harbor angry or sad feelings anymore because you can’t. I know that I am at peace and I choose to analyze Iris’ problem but I certainly won’t let lit touch the healing parts of me.

Hindi kagaya ng pagkakahilo ko palagi sa galaw ng kotse, kalmado lang ang pakiramdam ko ngayon sa barko. Inaayos ko pa ang pagkakabuhol buhol ng utak ko habang nag eexplore kami ni Clarkson sa buong ferry. I smiled at my line of vision that is only showing me his broad back.

I sincerely thought of Iris as the closest person I can call a friend before Luxen approached me. Mabait noon si Iris, anak ng teacher kaya naturuan ng maayos, mahinhin, at magaling kumanta, kaya niya rin namang sumayaw. She’s an honor student in elementary but not in highschool. After that, I don’t know anymore.

Iris is more of a real person to me. There’s something different about her movements and actions that I couldn’t understand back in highschool. May isang parte noong highschool kami at kami ang magkatabi ni Iris na padabog na siayng gumagalaw sa akin, hindi na niya ako kinakausap at kung makikipag-usap man, malamig lang o pagalit, nang-iirap na rin siya sa akin noon, at lumalayo na.

I thought it was normal. Highschool kami noon at umuusbong ang insecurities. Maagang naging maayos ang katawan ko kaya iyon ang naisip ko, along with my angelic features. I all thought it was normal and that it won’t reach the point of betrayal and treason. But it did.

I only understand now that it was because of Iris’ love for Luxen. Luxen liked me so much before but I only saw him as a friend or brother. Iris should have known that but I can’t do anything about it now. It’s on the half of myself now—my younger slef.

If it was Iris’ love for Luxen, her love became demanding, hurtful, and insecure. If it’s Luxen or Iris’ fault, it will not matter anymore. Kung totoo ngang mula pa noong highschool hinahabol na ni Iris si Luxen, kalahati ng buhay ngayon ni Iris ay kay Luxen niya lahat ibinigay.

It’s the wrong type of love. If I was their child, I might’ve not believe in love more because of them. They don’t have a child and it’s a good thing. There isn’t a young one that is involved with the hurtful and wrong love they have been going through all these years. Walang batang kagaya ko sa pagitan ni iri at Luxen, na alam sa sariling hindi dapat nabuhay sa mundo.

Even without a child, it’s still wrong. Kung normal ang makaramdaman ng sakit sa pag-ibig, hindi normal ang manakit dahil sa pag-ibig. It will never be us to make a judgement to hurt others. Lalo pa’t hindi naman alam ni Iris ang nangyayaring istorya noon sa yugto ng pagkakagusto sa akin ni Luxen.

I have been traumatized all my life, I moved from my mother’s hold to my father’s, but I never thought of hurting the one who has been hurting me all my life—my mother. I instead, made her sit in a large pile of money.

Running to Clarkson now, made me think of him. Tumatawa ako habang tumatakbo papunta sa kaniya pero mabilis na nag iisip ang utak ko tungkol sa kaniya.

He chased me, too. His was an unconditional chase, back in my senior highschool life. He taught me so many things, literally and figuratively. I never saw him want to hurt others because of his love for me. Even to Antonio, by partner in a pageant back then, Clarkson did not even make a wrong move on him.

The older Clarkson chased me too, in the sense of pursuing and courting me. It was still healthy. His love is still healthy after all the years that have passed.

Now, Clarkson is chasing me, literally, running towards me as I run away from him while laughing.

Nakakakalma. Nakakapagod nang bumalik kami sa hotel pero pakiramdam ko katawan ko lang ang pagod kasi gising pa rin ang diwa ko. Halos magtatatalon pa rin ako habang naglalakad. Clarkson kept on laughing as I swing pur intertwined fingers.