Broken 44: Nightmare
It’s what I needed all these years. The warmth that will keep on burning and even when you want it to fire out, it will only ignite and burn more with the love that I never had all my life… but I have it fully now.
I woke up still in Clarkson’s arms the next morning. It’s a peaceful awakening. Pakiramdam ko nabawasan ang mabigat na pasanin ko buong buhay ko. I realized how helpful it is to share to someone trustworthy the traumatizuzing events that happened in my life. It’s so peaceful to wake up now in Clarkson’s arms after telling him everything that happened in my life.
Kung ngayong n asa maayos na isip ko siguro inisip na ikwento kay Clarkson lahat, pakiramdam ko hindi yata ang kasya ang isang araw. I managed to tell everything to Clarkson yesterday through my narration.
Ngayon lang yata ako naunang magising kaysa kay Clarkson. Magkaharap kami at mahigpit niya akong yakap yakap kahit mahimbing pa ang pagkatulog niya. His arms are all over me and my hand is resting on the smallest gap of our bodies.
Pinanood ko ang ngayo’y naibalik na niyang kaputian. Mahimbing pa ang pagtulog niya at malalim ang paghinga niyang tumatama sa akin.
Ang bait niyang tingnan s pagtulog. Sa puti niya at kalmadong estado ng features niya ngayon, hindi halatang arogante siya sa iba. Hindi halatang ngumingiti siya sa iba pero hindi umaabot sa mga mata niya. Hindi halatang nadidiri ang itsura niya kapag kinakausap siya ng iab dahil sa paraan ng pagtaas niya ng labi niya at ang mariin niyang pananalita. Walang bakas ng pagiging arogante niya sa iba kapag mahimbing ang tulog niya.
I lifted my hand to slightly caress his white strong jaw. Naramdaman ko pa ang maiikling stubble sa ibabaw at bahagya akong natuwa roon. I was about to push my self out of his hold when his hug tightened, crushing me a bit to himself.
“Where are you going?” his morning throaty voice asked.
Umiling ako sa dibdib niya. I glided my hand through his arms upwards, making me hug the shoulder of his.
“Good morning,” I said in a small voice.
“Morning, sweetheart,” he replied sleepily and I felt him move his cheek closer to my head.
Hindi nagtagal ay hinayaan na niya ako at dumiretso ako sa banyo. Nang buksan ko ang pinto ng banyo kasi tapos na akong mag ayos, nakita ko siya sa gilid na nakahilig at nakahalukipkip.
Napatawa ako ng marahan sa tayo niya. It was a funny moment. Hindi siya ganito maghintay sa paglabas ko ng pinto at hindi rin siya iyong tipo na umakto bilang ibang tao.
It looked as if he was a fictional character waiting for his girl in the powder room of a bar, only that this is his home and that he’s not a fictional character. He’s real and he’s mine.
Sabay kaming bumaba patungo sa kusina but there’s a change in his movements. He did not touch me. He did not hold my hand nor caressed my waist. It took be back to the time when I was so afraid for a touch from him. It took me back to the time he was so afraid to touch me.
Pinanood ko siya. Kinuha ko ang isang pan para ako ang magluto ngayon pero kinuha niya agd iyon mula sa kamay ko, without even a bit of our skin touching.
Pinanood ko lang siya. Naupo ako sa highchair ng countertop habang pinapanood ko siya.
He moved swiftly in a right manner. Pareho kaming hindi nakapagpalit ng suot mula kahapon pagkauwi. Nang matapos na siyang maglapag ng plato sa dining table ay naupo na ako roon. He sat beside me quietly.
Inangat ko ang kamay ko at binuhat ang plato ng kanin. Lumingon sa akin si Clarkson. Hahahwakan niya sana para sa akin ang nakaangat na plato pero nang mahawakan niya ng bahagya ang kamay ko ay tila nakuryenteng ibinalik niya ang kamay niya sa sarili niya.
BINABASA MO ANG
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