WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS ✓

40

CHAPTER 40
again,
Beethoven – Für Elise

//

dear diary,

thank you for being here on this journey with me. so many things have happened since i last wrote to be honest.

i guess i've found myself comfortable with opening up to Hoseok that i don't need you anymore. of course, i'll always come back. my pages, words and books are what got me through.

i suffered post-natal depression after giving birth to Es. i felt so disconnected from her, only close to Hoseok. i couldn't even look at her with love. i felt so angry at why i felt like this.

it was terrible. i felt disgusting.

but after some professional work and reflection, i built up a secure and loving relationship with my daughter who is the greatest gift of mine and Hoseok's life.

i named her Esmerelda, after the maid and the lady cried when she held my daughter. "why would you name her after me?" she asked and i shrugged. i knew a part of her was disappointed in me for getting pregnant but she was happy for me. she left working for my parents but still remains a close part of my life.

my parents. my mother decided she wanted to be a part of her granddaughters life and put effort into knowing us. it's nice that she finally cares and even makes a cup of tea for me now. the fact that her eyes meet mine now is the greatest blessing.

my father too, has changed dramatically. he puts effort into our new family and welcomed Hoseok and Es with open arms. he even paid for our wedding.

although i listened all my life to what my father said, i no longer have to. i'm Elisa and this was my story, which is just beginning to bloom and love me back.