WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS ✓

9

CHAPTER 9
Une Barque Sur L'océan — André Laplante

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"Why don't you have any friends?"

Esmerelda asked me today. It was a question I didn't expect, I didn't have an answer planned and it made me nervous. I didn't like the feeling that sat at the back of my throat. We were on our way to grocery shop, walking in silence until she had flung the odd question at me.

"I do have friends! Rhea form badminton is one..." I protested in a tone that didn't seem like I was. I made sure to be gentle and respectable with my tone. Respect is one of my values in life.

"I thought she doesnt like you?"

I tried not to sigh. "She doesn't like talking, it's usually just me." I explained, a realisation hitting me. "Wait, is that why my posture is so wrong?"

I looked at Es who never replies to every single statement. She's more of a listener. Like I said, I'm the talker. "My parents are my friends." I made sure to add. It depends on what you define as a friend, I may not have many according to society but according to myself, perhaps I do.

I could feel the lie sit uneasily in my body as soon as I said it. Why did I even lie? A busy mother and overprotective father cannot be my friends. They've always acted like my enemies when all I wanted was a hand to hold.

"Parents can't be friends, especially not yours." Es voiced her opinion and avoided my stare.

"You're my friend too!"

I could tell Es was impacted by my answer. Despite her old age, she didn't seem fragile but for once, appeared fragile due to my words. I know she doesn't see me as a friend but I wanted her to know I do.

"Not me either." She shook her head. "I am no such thing to you."

The truth is, I don't have any friends my age. All the friends I did have weren't ever close to me, they didn't see me as worth fighting for. I'm the one who lost contact with them, stuck in a modern castle and unable to keep in touch with the free girls at my school.

"What's your opinion on love?"

I am aware that on many occasions, I appear almost childish to others. Es especially, she is the victim of my curious questions and opinions. Other than her, my mind stores everything and there's a part of me that feels pity. Can one feel pity for themselves?

The maid's answer was blunt. "It's not a big deal." I knew her opinion obviously stemmed from movies and their perceptions. Is anything online real enough?

"Have you ever been in love?"

"No."

"But you're married."

Es seemed tired from our conversation but I was just getting started. This was after all, the only time I get to speak freely. "It's arranged. It wasn't even our decision."

"But love could still stem from an arranged marriage?"

Es stuttered. "That is... true but not mine." She didn't seem sad though, just disappointed.

She changed the subject towards me and I was happt she did. "Do you want to be in love? You seem very interested by it." Her observation was correct.

"I am interested by everything as we are both aware of my locked life from society." I answered smartly. Es didn't crack a smile the way I wanted her to but I did for us both anyway.

"I do wonder about love," I started as I looked into the distance. "I've never been in love... don't you think it's too late?"

Es suddenly looks at me from the corner of her eye. I can see her wrinkles and heavy eye bags. A part of me wants to caress the furrow of her brows away, just the way she kisses my forehead every time she thinks I'm sleeping. "There is no age limit for one to find love. Anyone could find love, even at the age eighty."

I nodded. "I don't want love," I admitted. "I dont think it's important... I just don't see why we need it to survive."

Me, the talkative one became lost in thought as the topic of love came to a suitable end. "I've never thought much about love..." Then I felt a droplet of rain fall onto my head as I looked up. "L'amour est une construction sociale." I whispered to myself.

Love is a social construct.

I felt so giddy because only I knew what I had said. That was the most power I had ever felt in my dull life as a human being.