WHAT YOUR FATHER SAYS ✓

6

CHAPTER 6
Germination — Ryuichi Sakamoto

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Greetings diary. Today I received my pack of ecstasy.

The maid came in silence, slipped her hand from behind the door and said, "here you go." The pack of cigarettes sat in my palm as I opened the door wider.

It's not a good habit but it's not something I do often. It's truly just a way for me to distract myself. "Oh thank you, thank you so much." I had said merrily.

At times like this, I wanted to hug the maid that works for us. She's been with us for many years and has shown obedience and a fair liking towards me. "Sh, don't say a word." She kept her expression blank, free from any emotion as she watched me hide away the sticks in my underwear drawer.

"Come downstairs." The maid said and stood up straight. "Your mother is waiting with a child for you to look after."

"That's brilliant!" I exclaimed and followed her out of the door. I startled in surprise when I saw my mother on the other side.

We started to walk downstairs together. "Why were you thanking Esmerelda?" She asked, arms on either side of her as she walked with elegance.

I made up a lie as usual. Mother has always found my behaviour peculiar. "She smiled at me and it made my day." I said. It was true in a way. Anyone who smiled at me made me happy.

My mother huffed. "Your day has not even started, how can you possibly say that? You have no idea what could make your day just yet." There was truth in her words.

"That is very true mother." I smiled at her. I didn't receive a smile back. For once in my life, I just wanted her to look at me when she spoke; not try to look for secrets. Because there really aren't any secrets. "So who's child is here today?" I questioned, following her.

"The neighbour's. I can't say no since they know my daughter stays at home and does nothing."

"I don't do nothing." I felt the need to defend myself.

"But you'll look after the child right?"

"Of course mother. You know how much I adore children, their innocence brings out the best in me." I gushed, regardless of no one listening to me. My mother has this habit of not letting anyone speak and when anyone does, her ears are taped shut.

"Who's fault is it that I'm always stuck at home?" I asked. We both knew the answer.

"Not mine."

So today involved me having the longest conversation with my mother in a while. We don't talk unless it's absolutely necessary. There's no decisions to be made, my future is set in their eyes and that is to stay at home.

I spent most of the day playing with a child who's name I did not know. I decided to name it Cordelia, for the time. Babysitting was enjoyable for a while as I caressed it's cheeks, treated it with delicacy, as if I was my mother touching expensive China glasses.

That was until the baby started crying.

I sighed and placed the baby down on the floor. "Don't start crying or else I'll start crying." I glared into it's big, blue eyes. They reflected back at me and in that moment, I felt like I was looking at a baby version of me. I have blue eyes too, small and round circled, paired with long, red hair that reaches my bottom.

Unfortunately, the baby had cried and I, the twenty year old had also started crying. I couldn't help it. It's frustrating looking after something that can't speak.

I stared at the baby. "See! I told you." I sighed again.

My mother came home soon after. "We are back from the office." She announced. Did she have to say it like it was the best news? It didn't make a difference. "Why on earth are you crying child?" I don't know if she was talking to me or the baby. Did it matter?

I tried to defend myself again but as always, I was weak. "I was just frustrated and-"

My mother seemed like she wanted to slap the tears off my face. "Wipe those silly tears before he gets into the house." Then, he did walk in and I didn't have time.

"Why are your eyes red?" My father asked, gaze unloving as he stared me down from where he stood at the front door.

"I've been crying."

My mother sighed at my honesty.

My father laughed, it was followed by a horrible scoff as he took off his bowler hat. "That isn't news to me. That's all you ever do." He walked away.