Dear Jacob

Letter 21

Dear Jacob,
I'm so sorry. I always say that, so much that it's almost lost its meaning. But, what else am I meant to say? There is nothing else to say. Just, I'm sorry. Those will be my last words. Because I will always mean them. If there was a way not to feel remorse, I would use it. But there isn't, and I can't. So I am still sorry.
You and your parents were out, at church, leaving Ruth and I alone. This wasn't the first time you had left us. But it was the first time It happened. I promise.
We were sat playing some stupid video game, and I was shaking my head at some terrible joke Ruth had made, when she reached forward and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, I know, a little cliché. I thought nothing of it, and just looked up and smiled at her. Girls do that sort of thing all the time. But they don't usually kiss.
One minute we were sat in innocent harmony, the next I was held against Ruth, out lips meeting in affinity.
That's not even the worst part. I kissed her back, and then lied to you about it.
But the feeling that made me want to hold on to Ruth in the first place began to gain clarity. I didn't want her as a friend. I wanted to kiss her, touch her, never let her go.
Yet I didn't tell you. I kept my mouth shut, and carried on unofficially seeing her behind your back. That's what makes me the despicable human I am today.
At least I agree with you on that point.
Love, Emma