a year full of life

how to protect a broken heart

one...

two...

three...

four breaths for every heartbreak you gave me.

the first one was on the first day i met you [you know when you just instantly click with someone? like you'd known them your whole life] you gave me your sweet smile [it wasn't perfect and the whiteness of your teeth wasn't blinding but it /was/ sweet and made my breath catch in my throat] and from that day on i knew i was a goner, that was the day i started counting breaths for every heartbreak i would later experience because of you [a breath for every time i would have to leave you behind]

the second breath is a lot longer [because this heartbreak was a lot harder than the first] you were with your boyfriend [which somehow broke my heart even more] and you smiled up at him with your sweet smile [ /that/ smile] - but that's not what i noticed [not this time], what shone even brighter than your smile was the heart shaped birth mark right on the apple of your left cheek and it took all of me to look away and not stay [this breath would be the biggest heartbreak i felt to this day, and it was all because that sweet smile i fell in love with, not being shone brightly towards me, broke me more than i though it ever could - and from that day forward i protected myself]

the third and fourth breath were but a dull aching in my heart - i'm not even sure i remember what made me leave these two times, i'm not even sure i remember the new details of your face that i drank in [or at least that's what i'm going to continue telling myself - deep down i knew it was, first, the way the highlight on your cheek contrasted against your deep deep skin and, next, it was the little gem pierced into the side of your broad nose] but i do remember walking away. leaving little pieces of my heart behind [pieces that weren't mine anymore, pieces that might not have even been mine to begin with, even before i met you they had always belonged to you]

loving you was like living in an endless rose garden, if i stayed still and admired it all day [ignoring the burning sun creating a pink hue against my pale skin] i'd feel light and easy [intoxicated by the sweet perfumes, my new favorite smell]. but the moment i begin to move on, the moment i turn away from you [because god knows you won't brave the field towards me for my own sake, my own safety - and the bright rays do nothing but bless your dark skin, leaving you with no dilemma - no reason to leave] the sunburn on my own skin would start to ache and my hands would start to burn from the cuts of thorns grazing my fingertips. but despite all that [all of the pain it will cause], i'll try to find a way out of this field [stuck in the cosmos of loving you] and instead of asking you to brave the thorns [endangering your brilliant heart in the process] i'll simply ask you if you know how to protect a [broken] heart [because i don't think i ever knew how]?