a year full of life

hoping this wish might come true

a girl no older than the age of twenty five sat with sunken in eyes, a sickly pale face, and a faded heart; is this what it's like to live without you? you'd think that the answer would be yes given you were no longer here but if anyone believed this to be living then she might as well try and talk to you once again.

if you looked closely you could see the way her phone would softly light up over and over on the corner of your cluttered desk, illuminating the way her face hollowed in dangerously at her cheeks. this part might not sound too crazy - if you'd never known her at all - everyone goes through spouts of doubts and guilt, wishing to have someone that's no longer here, but this wasn't simply wishing any longer [it was a promise to meet again]

if you looked about your room you'd notice the lack of organization - books toppling over each other, cardigans and shorts littered throughout, a lamp knocked askew clutching onto the last bits of your flickering starlight. if you were still here she might've thought to clean up the place a bit [maybe take a shower and do the laundry, maybe even scrounge up the strength to go eat a snack - a meal would be asking too much] but given you weren't, she resumed as normal, clutching your pearl earrings attached around a chain hooked along her kneck [her fingers were pricked with blood and almost as if it was a souvenir of her pain she let it dry up and stain her fingers until it crumbled away] and scribbled mechanically on already filled up pages of journals.

the first time she stepped out of her house it was to go talk to someone but as soon as the question 'what are your symptoms?' were slipped in an all too cheerful tone, hope of finding you again went out the window [and she retreated back to your study]. what are her symptoms? besides missing you? besides looking up at the moonlight hoping that it wasn't the night's comforting kiss but the harsh light coming from your laptop? besides hoping that falling asleep at night meant wishing the morning goodbye forever? i'd say her symptoms were pretty mild if you compared it to similar cases but if you really looked into her eyes you could see the hope in her them withering away, the bits of you remaining in her poisoning her slowly from the inside, out.

when all of you grown inside of her eventually wilted away completely [the garden of hopes she built in your basement burnt up into dust] all she was left with was a shell [you were all that was left of her after you were no more, so without you what was she?] and when the rains she wished for to wash her away completely never came, she painted clouds on the insides of her sunglasses and closed her eyes shut tightly [hoping that this wish might actually come true].