White Rose

Chapter 16: Jane's POV

A/N: Wow guys sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'm on break now so I should be able to update more regularly!

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Teresa nuzzled into my side and draped her arm across my stomach. It felt good laying here with her, right almost. So much had changed since the day we had gone to dinner. So much had changed since I told her I loved her, but not the right things.

Red John had taken Tommy and possibly another one of her brothers (I hoped I was wrong) and had forced us to regress to whom we were all those years ago. I hated him now more than I ever did for hurting her. She didn't deserve it. All she has ever done was care about everyone and everything and what does he do? He goes after her family.

It's all my fault. I'm caught somewhere between what I want to do and what I know I should do. I want to stay, to comfort Teresa, giver her a shoulder to cry on if necessary, but I should leave. Red John is doing this to her because of me. Because I love her, because she cares about me. I never should have said anything, never should have gotten close to her from the beginning, but I had. I couldn't take it back now, the only thing I could do was keep it from happening again.

I looked over at Teresa, her eyes were closed and her long, dark hair tangled in soft curls around her face. I could hear he breathing lightly and when I looked closer, I saw a tear run down her sleeping face. She was crying, and I couldn't get past the feeling that it was over Tommy, over something terrible that I had precipitated.

I reached over and brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face, and then gently swiped away the tear with my thumb. I closed my eyes and lay there for a while, contemplating what had to be done. I had to walk away from the love of my life, had to act like she meant nothing to me when she meant the world. I didn't know if she'd ever forgive me, but I hoped she would.

I took one last look at her sleeping figure before carefully rising from the bed and sneaking off to get changed. I donned my typical dress shirt, vest, dress pants and loafers. I ran a hand through my dissheveld hair, only making it messier. I quickly found a notepad and pen and began to write:

Teresa-

I'm sorry but I had to go. My staying only put you in more danger. This is all my fault for getting close to you. Please don't get angry, I promise when I get this all sorted out I'll come back. I hope that when I do you'll forgive me. I love you and always will.

U No Hoo

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I walked over the Lisbon's side of the bed and placed the note on the nightstand. I leaned down and gently placed a kiss to the top of her head. Leaving her hurt more than I thought it should. Yes, I had expected to feel guilty about leaving but this was worse. This felt like I had ripped my heart out and sat it on the pillow next to her. It was what had to be done, whether I liked it or not. I had to protect her.

I quietly walked out of the bedroom and down the flight of stairs, pulling the apartment keys from my jacket pocket and placing them on the counter. I pulled out another sticky note and wrote:

You'll need these. Stay here. You're safer here than at your place. I'll call soon, I promise. I love you and always will.

U No Hoo

~*~

I opened the door as quietly as I could, slipping out into the darkness. I started my car and drove off into the night, no idea where I was going, just trying to get away.