s.t.a.y. | ethma

4

Emma

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm worried about you."

Ethan scoffed. "You don't get to do that."

"Do what?"

"Waltz in here and pretend that we haven't been strangers for the past six months."

"It doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore."

"If you cared you wouldn't have left me, Emma! Do you not realize what that did to me? You broke my fucking heart. And now you're here acting like everything's fine."

"I was doing what was best for the both of us, Ethan. Do you not realize how depressed I was getting? Everything going on in my life was too much, and I couldn't handle trying to heal and be in a relationship as serious as ours was. I'm too broken for you."

He stepped forward, walking towards me until he was close enough for me to see the sweat gleaming on his forehead.

"Is that seriously what you think, Emma? I could've helped you. I wish you could see that I'd do anything for you. I bet he can't say the same."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Who?"

"Your little boyfriend."

I scoffed, taking a step back. "He has a name."

"Yeah. And I'm not gonna use it."

"Are you seriously mad at me for having a boyfriend?"

"He's changing you, Emma."

I sighed. "Seriously? So it's okay for you to fuck every girl in school, but I can't have a real relationship? Not to mention that I didn't start dating him until four months after you and I broke up, and I didn't even meet him until a month before that."

Ethan stepped closer this time, his eyes staring deeply into mine. I could see the pain lacing through them, and it broke my heart even more. I did this to him. But this was best for the both of us. I looked at the floor, not being able to handle the heartbreak that came with seeing him up close like this.

"Emma." He whispered. "Look me in the eye and tell me that he makes you happy. Tell me you don't love me anymore. Tell me you love him. Then I'll believe that what you're doing is best for the both of us."

I was trying to think of the words I could say, but my mind was coming up empty. My heart was weighing heavy on the scale.

I didn't realize how close Ethan was standing to me until I could basically feel the heat radiating off of his body.

I looked back up to him, and he was waiting for my answer. I still had nothing.

I realized we were standing close enough that if one of us moved another two inches, our lips would be touching. He started to get closer until I pulled back.

"I gotta go." I whispered.

Ethan's eyes traveled mine, before he nodded. "Okay." He responded.

I took one last glance at his eyes before I turned around and went back upstairs.

Grayson was in the kitchen, so I sat down at the counter. "How'd it go?" He asked.

"I think it'll take time, but he's gonna straighten up eventually." I said, staring down at the counter. I feared that if I made eye contact with Gray that it's remind me too much of Ethan and I'd lose it.

Grayson nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Em."

I nodded. "I'm gonna go." I said, getting up from the chair.

"Hey." Grayson said as I started walking to the door. I turned back around. "It's gonna be alright."

I gave a soft smile and a nod, before I walked out.

I got in my car, sitting there for a few minutes just trying to process what just happened.

Ethan and I almost kissed.

And I didn't even think about Jared for a second. I'm such a bad girlfriend.

I drove home, my mind still a blur from overthinking everything.

I took a quick shower, hoping to clear my mind. It didn't work. I smoked another blunt to calm down a little bit. It helped, but at this point nothing can clear my head.

I just don't understand. Ethan and I haven't spoken for months until today, yet he's the only thing I can ever fucking think about.

I can't even play Tame Impala or Kacey Musgraves in the car without missing Ethan anymore.

It's bad that I'm wondering what would've happened if Ethan and I would've just kissed each other today.

It's bad that I wanted it to happen. I feel guilty at the thought. But it's Ethan.

Everything always goes back to Ethan.

I don't know why everything has to be so complicated all the time.

Why is Ethan mad that I have a boyfriend when he's recklessly having casual sex every other day? It makes no sense.

Once my hair was dry and I was dressed into sweats and a random Eastridge t-shirt, I went downstairs and ate two pieces of leftover pizza for lunch.

I decided to sit down on the couch and watch some tv. If I can't get Ethan out of my head, I might as well do the best I can to calm down.

One thing I couldn't stop thinking about was the last thing Ethan said to me. Look me in the eye and tell me that he makes you happy. Tell me you don't love me anymore. Tell me you love him. Then I'll believe that what you're doing is what's best for the both of us.

I couldn't even speak. I froze. Jared's just filling a void that fully fulfilled by Ethan.

So when I heard a knock on the door, and I answered. I didn't know whether to be relieved or upset that it was Ethan on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, looking into those damned hazel eyes again.

"You left something at my house." He responded. I stepped back to let him in the house, closing the door after him.

I turned back around, and he was standing close to me again.

Close enough that I thought he really was gonna kiss me.

I knew it was wrong. I knew this was bad judgement on both of our parts.

But this time, I didn't even try to stop it when his lips crashed onto mine.