s.t.a.y. | ethma

14

Emma

There were two things that could've happened if Ethan and I would've gotten back together.

1.) we would've had one last great run of a relationship, and then it would've fell through resulting in the final breakup, or 2.) we would stay together for the rest of our lives.

Both were terrifying me. So, I left before I could get left. Sometimes you need to cut it off before you can get hurt any worse.

Being in Chicago for three weeks now, I did some self-reflection.

I saw the sights. I saw art pieces. I heard music on the streets. I went to a street fair and ate some really impressive and authentic food. I snuck into a couple of clubs and got hammered. I met some new friends.

I realized that if Ethan and I were gonna get back together that I knew it was gonna last for he rest of our lives.

I needed time to process that. That's why I still haven't gone home.

The country is looking for me, but now that my hair is darker and shorter I'm less recognizable. I also haven't told anyone my real name.

I use my middle name Frances as a cover, nicknaming myself Frankie. It gives my life a different vibe, and I'm kind of digging it.

One thing I've learned is that when you're far away from someone that you love, you see their face everywhere, even if it's not actually them.

Ethan's everywhere I go. I can't stop thinking about him. I hope he's okay.

I've seen him interviewed with Grayson on the news a couple times, and it completely ripped my heart to shreds. He's heartbroken. Not just him, but Grayson too.

In my hostel room, which was basically a hotel room for cheaper, I did a lot of writing.

Hours upon hours of pouring my feelings and reflections into my laptop.

I missed Ethan. I cried for him. I cried for my home. Ethan is my home.

It's been three weeks since I've been home. I don't know if I should just go back, or if I should just let it be. If I should just let the world find me.

I've never been more in love with Ethan than I am now. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

I was so scared when I left town. I was scared of the commitment I was about to make with him. It's a lot to process because if we were to make that leap of faith, it could be forever.

But we're so young. He's turning 18 next month, and I'm not gonna be 18 until May.

I felt like I needed to live a little bit before I completely settled down. I want to see the world. Go to college. Find my career.

But as I sat there in my rented-out room, I realized that Ethan's the only person I would want by my side through those things.

I'm certain that if Ethan and I don't belong together, that I don't belong with anyone. I've tried dating other people in the past, but I've always ended up going back to Ethan.

Every single time.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

Everything always goes back to Ethan. He's one of the only people in my life that has been constant for me.

My dad left when I was two. My mom started her business trip bullshit when I was 11.

Ethan was there for me. He loved me through everything I've gone through. I know for a fact he still does.

And I never stopped loving him either.

I thought long and hard about what the hell I was doing by running away from this. I decided to not make any rash decisions right now, and that I should stay here a few more days just to make sure that going home is what's best for me. That's it's what I want.

I went back into my laptop and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote.

And I sat there thinking about what I was gonna say to Ethan when I saw him again. I was worried he was mad at me for leaving. There's no way of telling how he's feeling right now. At least not for me.

I try not to watch the news at all. I already see flyers around town with my face on them, and that's hard enough for me to see. Like I said, the country is looking for me.

I do miss home. I am going to go back. I just don't know when the right time will be, so I'm taking a few more days to think about it.

-
Ethan

It was the middle of the night, and I couldn't sleep again.

Of course I was laying in my bed just staring at the ceiling and missing Emma. That's all I ever did at night anymore.

My daily routine consisted of going to school, going home, working out, homework, missing Emma and wishing they could get a lead on the case. Watching the news. That's the only thing on tv at our house now. My mom is constantly keeping up with the news to see if there's any updates on Emma.

They usually just say she's still missing.

But Grayson ran into my room in the middle of the night and saw that I was awake.

"Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, get up." He said, shaking me even though I was already awake.

I looked at the clock. "Dude, it's 3 in the morning." I said, running my
Hand through my hair.

"They found a lead on Emma." He responded, sitting down next to me.

I sat up. "Did you just say what I thought you did?" I asked, my heart pounding in my chest. Please be true.

"The police tracked her laptop. They think she's somewhere in Chicago."

I got out of bed, pulling on a sweatshirt and putting my phone, wallet and charger into a bag.

"Woah, woah, woah." Grayson said. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to bring her home, Grayson." I said.

I grabbed a few more things that I needed and I left the house as quickly as possible.

I headed to the train station, bought a ticket for the 4 am train to Chicago, and I waited to board. All I needed to know was that she was in Chicago. I could figure the rest out later. I knew her fake I.D. left, right, forward and backwards. I could ask around places she might have gone to see if they wines where she was.

I'm gonna see my baby tonight. I'm gonna find her. I'm going to tell her how much I love her. I'm never gonna let her out of my arms again. I'm gonna bring her home.

Emma, I'm on my way. Let's just hope it doesn't take me long to find you.