s.t.a.y. | ethma

6

Emma

Journal Entry #2
October 9th, 2020

Tomorrow is the first day of Andrew's trial. It's supposed to be three days long. Three days until he goes to prison for a hopefully long enough time to where I'll never have to face him again.

But it unfortunately doesn't always work that way in the American Judicial Court System.

Andrew is not only a white male, but he's also from a very wealthy family. Those three attributes work well in his favor.

I'm really nervous. Like really nervous.

First of all, Ethan is gonna be there, and we haven't exactly spoken since we slept together two weeks ago. I mean, that's entirely my fault because I've been avoiding him, but now he has to testify against Andrew and I almost know for a fact that Ethan's gonna get angry on the stand. I don't blame him, but it still makes me nervous. I always hated seeing Ethan upset.

Second, Jared is gonna be there to support me. He still has no idea about what happened between Ethan and I, and I am praying so hard that it's not gonna be awkward. But I fear it will. If Ethan stays out of my way, then we won't have a problem.

Jared and I have been doing surprisingly well despite that stupid decision I made that involved Ethan. I'm better at keeping secrets than I thought.

I hope this trial goes well.

-Emma

As of now, my mom is at the lawyer's office, and I am home alone. I already smoked once today. My nerves are still going crazy anyway.

Today's Sunday, and the trial is tomorrow through Wednesday. At least I'm excused from school.

Once I put my journal in it's hiding spot, I sat down on my bed and turned on the tv. Jared was on his way to my house because he was spending the night at my house to go to my trial tomorrow.

He's not staying the whole three days, but he's here until tomorrow night.

Jared arrived around dinner time, and my mom made chicken enchiladas for dinner. She let us go up to my room to eat because she knew that I was stressed and that Jared could help me feel better.

So, I sat down in my fuzzy chair, and he sat in my desk chair, letting my rest my feet on his lap.

"You ready for tomorrow, babe?" He asked, taking a bite of his food.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back and furrowed my eyebrows. "I don't think I'll ever be ready, Jared."

"I'll be right there with you tomorrow. I wish I could be there all three days, but it's unexcused absences since I'm not required to be there."

"I know." I said, eating another bite of my food. "I wouldn't want you to miss too much school because of me anyway."

"But I would in a heartbeat if it didn't count towards unexcused absences. We only get ten a semester."

I nodded, taking another deep breath.

Jared set his empty food bowl on my desk before glancing back at me. "Hey. Come here." He said in a soft voice. I set my food bowl on the floor before I walked over to him and straddled his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck as his slid around my waist. "Why you stressin' about it so much? It'll be okay in the end. I promise."

I nuzzled my face into his neck, breathing in his comforting scent. "It's just hard." I said. My voice was kind of muffled by his sweatshirt.

He kissed me on the forehead, running his hand up and down my back. Jared really was comforting for me to be around.

Sure, maybe I actually was starting to fall for him. But I already fell in too deep with Ethan, so even if I do love Jared, it'll never be as much as I love Ethan, and it'll never be in the same way.

I feel like the fucking Bachelorette. Now I understand how they feel when they have to pick a guy from the final two. Ethan and Jared are my final two. But this time there's no pressure to pick one. Why you ask? Because a.) Jared is under the impression that our relationship is sailing smoothly. b.) there's no pressure being put in me to choose one of them.

I love them both but in completely different ways. And for completely different reasons.

I lifted my head, looking into Jared's brown eyes. They were different than Ethan's because Ethan's were more of a hazel. Green mixed with brown and gold. Jared's were more of a chocolatey brown color.

I pressed my lips to his, our mouths slowly moving in sync for a few minutes until we both needed air.

I pressed my forehead against his, closing my eyes. "I love you." I whispered.

If I'm being honest, I'm working on putting the past completely behind me and focusing on the moment. So, I'm gonna do the best that I can to keep this relationship happy right now. I need something to be stable right now.

"I love you too." He responded. I smiled, stroking my thumb back and forth on Jared's cheek.

"We should get ready to go to sleep."

He nodded, smiling back at me. "Okay."

So, I changed into a pair of sweats and Jared's t-shirt that he took off, and then I brushed my teeth and climbed into my bed while Jared used the bathroom.

I quickly made sure that the tape covering Ethan's name on my headboard was still in place, and then I set my alarm for the morning. We have to be in court at 11 am.

Jared climbed into bed, pulling me towards his bare chest, and I snuggled into him.

"Tomorrow's gonna be just fine. We'll get through it together, okay?" He whispered, kissing the top of my head.

I nodded. "Okay. Goodnight."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Get some rest, Em."

If I'm being completely honest, the dream I had that night was a nightmare.

It was a nightmare because I had to choose between the two boys that have my heart divided in two.

It was one of those dreams where you wake up right before the end.

Right before I was about to choose. That's when I woke up and needed to get ready for court.

I swear that my life gets more and more complicated every two seconds.

So, while I was in the shower this morning, I smoked again. I needed to calm down. That shower was my alone time with myself. My quiet time.

I dried my hair and did my makeup and put on a pair of black dress pants, and a nice royal blue shirt. I was keeping it simple and professional.

I put my hair up into a low bun, making it messy, but still classy.

I took a deep breath in the mirror, Jared standing next to me. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. You clean up really nice yourself." I responded. He was dressed in a dark red button up shirt and black dress pants.

Jared leaned over, leaving a peck on my lips.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

I laced my hand into his as we started walking out of my room and downstairs.

"Ready as I'll ever be."