s.t.a.y. | ethma

5

A/N: song of the chapter: I Did Something Bad by Taylor Swift
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Emma

Bad decisions.

Everyone makes them a few times in their lives.

My first mistake was listening to Grayson. If it weren't for him telling me to talk to Ethan, I wouldn't be making this bad decision.

I didn't stop Ethan when he kissed me.

I didn't stop Ethan when we went upstairs. Or when he pushed me onto my bed. Or when our clothes came off.

When he was fucking me senseless.

Ethan didn't even have to ask if I was okay with it. In the heat of the moment, we wanted each other. And there was nothing anybody could do to stop us from this bad decision.

If this was so wrong, why did it feel so good?

There was something about doing something wrong that felt even better than the right thing.

And that's why I felt so guilty once we collapsed onto the bed, out of breath and trying to process what just happened.

I'm not a bad person. I just had bad judgement in this moment.

Both of us were just laying there, staring at the ceiling and trying to find the words to say in the aftermath.

This complicated everything going on ten times worse.

How am I gonna break it to Jared? I can't just break up with him. This is so out of left field. This was a mistake. A one-time deal. It's not gonna happen again, and Jared doesn't need to know. Nobody needs to know.

"What did I do?" I whispered, sitting up and hugging my knees to my chest.

Ethan sat up, running his hand through his hair like he always does.

"Emma—I-" Ethan sighed. "This just complicates things even further, doesn't it?"

I took a deep breath before glancing over at Ethan, who was already looking at me.

"Nobody needs to find out. Not even Grayson."

Ethan scoffed. "That's the last person I would tell. He'd probably kill the both of us."

I laughed. "Right." The humor from the remark died down quickly when I thought about Jared. "I'm not gonna tell Jared."

"You don't have to, Emma. I just need to know where this leaves us."

"Seriously? Ethan, I have a boyfriend. I'm not gonna leave him just because of this."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Do you regret what just happened?"

My mouth opened, but all that came out was air. I was frozen again. "I don't know, Ethan."

"Listen. I know how complicated it is between us and with everything going on right now, but either we move on from this or we don't. I don't know about you, but you're all I think about. I get shitfaced every weekend so that I don't have to think about anything."

"I don't know how I'm ever gonna get better. No matter what happens, everything just keeps going wrong in my life." I responded.

"I know the feeling." He said.

Silence filled the air as I stared down at the comforter. I don't know why I felt like I needed to tell him that I haven't slept with Jared, but something compelled me to.