s.t.a.y. | ethma

9

Emma
The next day

Today the trial was pretty straightforward, Stephanie and Andrew's lawyer making their final presentations, and the closing statements being made.

Stephanie made a really good case, so I felt pretty good about it.

Lexie and Riley were planning on staying at my house tonight, so we went to the store to get everything necessary to make amazing homemade ice cream sundaes. What better way to get to know your sisters than to eat too much ice cream together?

The three of us were sitting on my bed with our bowls of ice cream, eating our sundaes and talking.

"So, do you guys have boyfriends?" I asked.

The girls smiled at each other, probably using their so-called twin powers to silently talk to each other.

"Lexie's talking to someone." Riley said. Lexie lightly hit her on the arm.

"Riles!"

"What, Lex? I was just telling the truth. She's our sister anyway."

"So, who is this guy?" I asked.

Lexie blushed, staring down at her newly empty bowl of ice cream. "His name is Holden, but everyone calls him Junior."

"He's a senior." Riley added.

"What about you, Riley? You dating anyone?"

"Yeah. My boyfriend's name is Nick."

"They've been dating for two years." Lexie added.

Riley nodded. "Yeah. He treats me really well."

"That's good. Jared treats me pretty good, but sometimes I still miss Ethan."

That was a lie. I always miss Ethan.

"I think that Ethan still has feelings for you. His final statement on the stand yesterday really showed how much he cares for you, Emma." Lexie said.

Riley nodded. "I think so too. He totally has feelings. Why else wouldn't he come to Charlie's with us?"

"I think it would've been too awkward if him and Jared were in a five foot vicinity of each other." I said. "Ethan gets really possessive and even though I'm not dating him anymore, he gets really jealous when I'm around other guys."

"Why'd you guys even breakup?" Riley asked.

I sighed, leaning against my headboard. You know, the same one that Ethan carved his name into. I glanced up at the piece of blue tape that covered it. "I broke up with him because I couldn't be fully emotionally available. I needed time to better myself. And then I met Jared a few months after Ethan and I broke up, and we hit it off. Became close friends and now we're together. And I love Jared, but sometimes I still think about Ethan more than I should. I just, I think that Ethan deserves someone who can be at his level. And I think the reason I'm even with Jared is because he calms me down, and his life is about as crazy and broken as mine. He understands a lot more of the stuff I go to. Ethan always empathized, but Jared understands."

"Awe. I'm sorry. That sounds like it's complicated." Lexie said.

I nodded. "Thanks, Lexie. It's been hard, but I've just been trying to live in the moment whenever I'm around Jared. Not think about the past at all."

"That's a good way to go about it." Riley said.

I put my empty bowl on my nightstand, looking  across the room at the small digital clock sitting on my desk. It was getting late. "Well, we should go to sleep." I said, getting up to turn the light off.

Tomorrow is the final verdict and sentencing, and I'm super nervous. I have no idea how I'm supposed to fucking sleep.

"Good idea." The girls said in unison. I smiled as I walked over. Riley and Lexie were already laying down, so I laid down next to Riley who was in the middle.

Surprisingly I actually fell asleep and got a good night's rest.

But in the morning when I was getting ready for the final session in court, I was nothing but nervous. So, I smoked in the shower again. Saves time.

I got dressed into a formal black dress which had a skirt that went a little past my knees. It was professional looking.

I gently curled my hair, and put on some concealer, mascara and lip gloss.

My mom, Lexie, Riley and I got into the car, and drove to the courthouse. My heart was pumping like crazy. I was still nervous.

We walked into the courtroom, finding our seats and quietly greeting Stephanie.

"You ready, Emma?" She asked. I nodded.

"As ready as I can possibly be."

"It'll be okay." My mom said.

I hope so.

I saw Lisa, Grayson and finally Ethan walk into the room. Something about seeing the three of them relaxed me a little. Or maybe it was just because Ethan was here. I don't know.

Sitting there, we had to wait for the jury to come back out from the deliberation room. I suddenly got a gut feeling that it wasn't gonna go the way I needed it to.

My stomach turned at the thought. Please find him guilty. Please make sure I never have to see him again. Please take my word over his. This is America. Sometimes the court doesn't always go in favor of the middle class woman.

And when the jury came out, everyone stood, and the verdict was read.

Tears left my eyes. I couldn't stop them. We didn't win the case.

He was found guilty. But not guilty of rape. They found him guilty of sexual assault. That's not the same thing. And that's not what he did to me.

The worst part was the sentencing. He got two years. Two fucking years.

All because he's a fucking rich white boy.

This is America.

I was silent on the way home. Riley and Lexie gave me hugs and their condolences before they went back to the hotel.

I went upstairs and locked myself in my room. I needed to be alone.

I can only be fully vulnerable when I'm alone. I needed to cry.

And I cried myself to sleep.

This isn't fair. It's not.

How can someone like him, a predator, a monster, a trespasser just get excused for his violations like this? He didn't get what he truly deserves. And neither did I.

I thought it would be over after the trial. That I could finally fully move on. But knowing he'll be free in two fucking years makes me sick to my stomach to think about.

It's like the universe pointed at me and said I should be broken, and that my life should keep getting more complicated.

Nothing makes sense.