The New Click

The Good vs. Evil

     I woke up. It took me a second to comprehend everything, but I woke up. I took a breath and yes I was breathing, still breathing. Still alive, in my room... in Australia. I only looked up at the ceiling, not really thinking, just looking. It was almost a dread that I was alive and I couldn't really understand why. It was... weird.

     I soon sat up because I knew I needed to get going one way or another. I then grabbed my phone and checked up on things like social media before a text popped up on the screen. The message showed the name 'Kath' followed by various emojis. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion only to see that she was notifying us on breakfast. I smiled a little, she was too lazy to call for everyone so she just texted everyone. Smart. Anyways, I wasn't really hungry so I carried on. 

     After about an hour went by, I sighed and turned the phone off, laying it back down on the side table. I needed to get up, but I really didn't want to. We didn't have anything really planned for today, so I could just stay in bed. But then I wouldn't really be productive and so what's the point? I argued with myself for a while, teetering to one side then the other for what had to of been 10 minutes before an idea popped in my head: what if I made a YouTube video? Thing is, I had already had a video set up for today, plus I don't want people thinking I'm back after about two days of just uploading backup videos. I don't even know what I would film. Reacting to things did pretty well, but I know it would only last so long before people get bored of that kind of content so, what else would I turn to? Games? But, there aren't any really good ones that I haven't played. Plus, it seems risky just to turn the camera on and film a random game, I mean, what if people don't like it? Then things would go terrible.

     Plus, I don't think I'm ok, like mentally. I mean, last night was a lot, but would I do it again? Would I be drawn to do that again? Or would I be able to escape the thoughts and be rewarded to live another day? I don't know... Thinking about it cools my mind, but I don't want to do that again. It wouldn't be right, right? I mean, it's not okay to do, I know that, but it did give me a little peace... But, was it worth it? My mind jumbled up thought after thought after thought before my head got furious with me and caused a headache to hit me hard. I groaned loudly before reaching to the water at the side of my bed and moving myself towards the headache medicine in my bathroom. 

     I quickly took the medicine and waited for the headache to die down a little before looking into the bathroom mirror. Specifically, at the girl in the mirror. She still looked pretty messed up, but you couldn't really tell if it had been because of just waking up or if something was really wrong with her. It was weird to think that the girl in the mirror was me. That caused me to think back on the times when life was better, well, simpler. When I was in the house, and I would dress up for no reason. Play with makeup and make looks that no one would ever seen. Then find outfits and put those together for a quick fashion show for the many stuffed animals that I had on my bed. Even when I was with him, I would still dress up just to dress up. I remember one time where it had been my parents dog, Lucy's, birthday. I wasn't able to fly back to Australia to see her, but I got all dolled up just for that occasion. 

~ Memory ~

     Today is Lucy's birthday, but I can't go since he won't let me. I thought he really liked Lucy... I mean Lucy really liked him when he came over, and he looked really happy seeing her when they first met, but I guess he doesn't anymore? I'm not sure. However, I still kinda wanna celebrate it and see if I can catch my mom on the phone so it'll be like I'm there in spirit! And with that, I walked upstairs and into our bedroom, looking through the closet that was stocked with all my clothes in it. First, I tried to find a cute shirt, but none of them were really speaking to me. So then I moved onto my dresses and found this fun sundress I've had stored almost in the back. It looked good enough, and I thought I could try to pair a fun makeup look with it, one that I saw on Instagram a couple of weeks back. So I brought it out and found some matching shoes to go with it, laying it out on the bed. Next, I grabbed my makeup and headed to a mirror that I sat in front of to get a closer view on what I was doing so I don't mess up too hard.