The New Click

Let Me Try Again

     When we got home, I made a small promise to myself to try better. To do more for those around me. Since I've been obviously lacking for a hot minute, I went to bed that night wanting to wake up tomorrow. Which surprisingly, hasn't been the case since I first came to the Click house and met everybody. 

     Waking up became harder the next morning, which is far from what I expected last night. I opened my eyes to the familiar ceiling, feeling the dread of the light coming into the room through the blinds. I didn't want to get up, but I also knew I should get up, like any other morning. Luckily, after a minute, I willed myself out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom to get ready to do whatever I wanted to do for the day. 

     After getting into some comfy clothes, I took a breath before going downstairs to the lobby to eat. Although a part of my brain was constantly telling me no, the things Cray told me last night was really what was keeping me going. I would replay his words over and over again in my head to put some reason into my actions. This had my brain create multiple tasks that seemed like automatic, no big deal tasks to others. Things like breakfast started to become harder the past couple of days, so making myself some cereal today seemed like a milestone. 

     Halfway through my breakfast, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. My immediate reaction was to try and hide myself so I didn't have to talk to whoever was coming down the stairs, but as I started to move, I willed myself to stop. Whoever was coming had to be one of my friends, so the fact that I would go that far to try and ignore somebody, spoke a lot about how I was treating them. So I took a breath and looked at the stairs. I widened my eyes seeing Kath standing there, going wide eyed herself. A smile started to grow on her face and she hurried over to hug me. "(Y/N)! You're awake!" She said excitedly tightening her embrace, "How are you feeling?" I smiled feeling her warmth, "I'm feeling good, what about you?" We mutually let go and she began to fix herself some coffee and something to eat, "Good, but would you be willing to go and do something today? I filmed a video yesterday and my editor hasn't given me the video yet, so I have some time to do whatever today." I sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen and nodded, "Yeah, sure, that should be fun." Kath smiled once more and we began to brainstorm what we were able to do and possibly inviting the rest of the house. 

     We finally settled on going roller-skating to fill up our time and invited basically the whole house to come. We ended up deciding to vlog a bit of it for the Click channel as our last video blew up a bunch with comments and such. Some were about how intense it was, others were commenting on the various different members and their relations towards each other as people always do, meanwhile I would come across the small variety of comments asking about me personally as I was still on my leave from YouTube. I would smile at the concern of them and decided that those comments would be apart of my driving force to soon return to making creative and fun content for them since that's what they ultimately deserve.

     I smile at my thoughts of my various fans as everybody gathers what they need to before we leave. I bring myself out of my brain as I stuff some random things into a small bag and head out the door with Kath and Marcus. That might have been a mistake since they are adorable and I'm left with almost throwing up my breakfast as I watch them be a bit too cute for my taste. Cray intentionally bumps my shoulder and mocks them, making me laugh a bit playing into the mockery too until the couple notices. "Oh shut up!" Kath slaps my shoulder playfully with a wide smile on her face, "You're just mad Cray hasn't asked you out yet," I freeze and feel my face get hot, making my jaw drop at her statement, "Am not!" I retort, but at that point everyone started to laugh, making me roll my eyes. Cray though slung an arm over my shoulder, causing me to almost slap him out of shock, and smirk at the others, "Maybe I will, maybe I won't." Everyone continued to laugh as a couple started to "ooooo!" in excitement that one of the internets favourite ships might sail. I roll my eyes once more and glare into Bazz's camera to emphasize my mood to whoever might have witnessed it in the future video. 

     Roller skating was much more fun than I imagined. I fell over a dozen times, but essentially got the hang of it even before a couple of the other Click members. Though, I got to relish in my accomplishment for five minutes before I fell once more. In the end, we got a bunch of fun footage and had one hell of a time even without the camera rolling. We got back to the house and I closed the door of my room behind me. I smiled reliving the new memories for a couple of minutes before the familiar darkness started to take form around the room. As I noticed it, I felt my breath become short and I began to tug at my shirt feeling as if it was suffocating me. But, I had a great day today?? Why was this happening?? I needed to get out of here. But as I turned towards the door and reached out to open it, it disappeared into complete darkness. 

     Why? What the hell is happening?? I kept turning around in the darkness, trying to understand what was happening, but to no avail. It felt like forever before I heard that familiar, taunting voice again, "Did you have fun~?" I sighed angerly, "Yes, I did. Now what the hell is going on? Why is this happening again?" I only heard the echo of a chuckle in response. This is bullshit! "Shhh, don't get angry with me. I did nothing... this is your doing." I scrunch my eyebrows together, "What do you mean I did this?" I waited a bit before the voice came back. "You see, one happy day doesn't cover the fact that you're upset, you're sad. One happy day doesn't mean you're cured, it doesn't mean anything essentially, only that you temporarily forgot about the sadness, the detrimental feeling of self-nothingness." The voice paused before explaining further, "Even though you had a good day and that guy helped improve your motivation for a day, it doesn't immediately make your life twenty times better. You have to forget those feelings consistently, and even then it's not certain you'll never feel that deep of a sadness. You're just lucky that you don't have to take pills to make the feelings temporary, you have people, good people around you." My friends began to show up in the mist of the darkness, having my heart swell a bit. The word 'gratitude' began to show up around my friends, making me smile and label the happy feeling I had in my heart for them. A smile grew on my face as I had my permanent motivation standing all around me. Another chance to let me try again.

With my friends, my family, and maybe with love.

     Boom, another one in the books (quite literally) ! And this one is kind of an important one so I'm pretty proud about how I was able to wrap this one up :) ! Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed this one and have an amazing morning/ evening/night wherever you guys are :D !

AND REMEMBER

stay cway 

and use code cray in the item shop 😌

(Word Count: 1361)