The New Click

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     I quickly left Cray's room and headed to my room. I slammed the door and just stood there, my back pressed up to it. I could barely move never mind speak, so I slid down the door and that's when I broke. Tears filled my eyes and quickly fell down my cheeks before my mind could comprehend. I put my head down and held my knees continuing to sob uncontrollably. I felt empty and just... sad, upset, frightened, mad, all at once. I didn't know what to do... that's why I cried and sat there until I eventually crawled into bed and passed out.
     My eyes opened to light and daytime. However, I just laid there and stared at the ceiling, motionless. I didn't know what to do, what to think, what to even say to him if I saw him. I just... my mind went back to Cray just holding my wrist and yelling at me, but he wasn't like him right? There's no way, I mean... Cray... Nathan... is or... was? One of the sweetest guys ever and... he- he kissed my head! Sure he was drunk but, he still did it... I couldn't help but feel my mind and my heart go against one another. My heart knew that this wasn't Nathan at all... it was someone else, it had to be. On the other hand, my mind was basing it on facts and what actually happened. My mind races as it plays the scene over and over trying to figure out why he was mad or why he... grabbed me. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I sighed and resisted the urge to just scream before I just sighed once more. I got up and grabbed some clothes before heading to the bathroom and just looking at myself in the bathroom mirror. I then noticed the small bruise on my wrist. I caught my breath when I saw it, but I closed my eyes and shook my head soon banging the counter, "Damnit!" I exclaimed. I didn't know what else to say, the boy I thought I really liked was turning into the man I wanted to get away from. Why did I fall for it? His trap, his game... again. I sighed and ignored the throbbing in my fist and proceeded to get ready for the day with one last glance at the girl in the mirror.
Once I went downstairs after putting on some makeup, I grabbed some bread and put it in the toaster. I leaned on the counter and opened my social media to soon here footprints coming down the stairs. I turned my head to see Nathan, or Cray?, emerge from the stairway with his signature coffee cup. He looked to me, mid sip, and pulled a look of sadness and guilt before he turned back around and back up the stairs. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, "Nathan..." I whispered, obviously not loud enough for him too hear, however I still waited for something, for him to come back down and pick me up and just... care for me... like he used to do. I could feel my heart tearing at the thought before the toaster beeped and my breakfast was done.
After that, I climbed back up the stairs and flopped on my bed. "I guess... were in an awkward state huh..." I muttered to myself, not intending for anyone to hear it (but we'll come back to that). I couldn't comprehend what was happening. I was breaking down at the scene, I mean, I didn't even realize I was crying before I sucked in some air and let out a shaky breath. I... I didn't know what to do. "I wanted to tell him that I cared about him, and I didn't want us to fight or even avoid one another... I want us to go back to being piss drunk in that stupid fucking club, dancing like we were some senior citizens. Being happy and not giving two shits about what happens next... I want... I want him to kiss me again... to hold me... to... to... fuck..." I muttered.
And then a thought popped in my head: is this my fault? I mean, I couldn't think of one thing I did wrong to him. I know he became jealous when I hung out with Elliott that one day and posted about it but, it couldn't have been just that right? I mean the man was really pissed, and it wasn't because of some idiotic rage game. He also said it was, my fault, right? But, what did I do?? There was something other than the Elliott thing no? But what is that other thing??? My mind boggled around all the possibilities of what else he could've been upset about but, the possibilities were endless. My mind soon started to shut down and over heat making me become tired. It was still about noon so... oh wait...
I looked at my computer, streaming. It was Tuesday and I was supposed to be streaming today for my followers. But, am I seriously in the right mental state for this? I mean, my head hurts, the guy that I am still really into is starting to turn into a total ass, I don't even know what my friends would think about this situation, I don't even know if I'm going to TELL them about it... I just... I don't know. I feel like I should take the rest of the week, but can I really do that to them...? The whole reason I have food on the table, people to talk to, people to trust is because of them, and I give them content from weeks ago because I didn't feel good? I felt absolutely terrible about it but, it might just be my only option so... here we go...
I quickly grabbed my computer and pressed record, making a quick video on what's really going on and, about my short break. Emphasizing that I was incredibly sorry to do this but I just, wasn't in the greatest shape. I mean, I never even turned on a light at all today. After I quickly edited the video, I put it up and followed it up with a backup video I was saving for when I needed it. Once that was done, I watched the views and comments come in, dissatisfied with my sloppy work and lack effort. It almost made me sick thinking about all the negatives about the quick video and even the one that sat there for a week. I had to do it though...
I needed time to deal with this... to help myself not fall too far this time. I glanced down at my wrist once more and shivered.

No... Not again... I won't let it happen again...

And that's it! I'm terribly sorry for this short-ish chapter! I know it took TOO long but I've been dealing with things at school and really trying to get into a schedule.
I really do love you all and appreciate y'all so thank you suuuuuuu much >.I and ANY suggestions are welcomed!!! Please!!!
     Lastly, I'm really happy to say that we have gotten to 2K! Thank you all!!!!! Really!!! It's because of you guys that I've gotten to meet some fantastic friends and awesome people, so thank you!

( the picture is also worth the hour of trying to find Cray's blue coffee cup )

Any

Whoooooooo

Stay cway <3
And have a great day/afternoon/ evening/ night ^.^

:3
(Words ~ 1274)