Someone Willing to Stay

I am

It's seventh period.

     I'm sitting in my seat, tapping my pencil on my desk at the speed of lightning. We have a three page questionnaire that needs to be filled out with explicit detail before we can start making our video.

My palms are sweating and the hair on the back of my neck is sticking up.

Mason is staring at me. No smirk. No twinkle in his eyes. He's studying me. I want him to stop. It's like he has X-ray vision and can see every disfigured mark on my skin hiding under my clothes.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

His eyes snap up to look into mine, his eyebrows furrow.

"Am I okay? What about you?"

"I'm fine," I blurt out loudly, "why wouldn't I be?"

He knows something.

"The party- you were-"

"You know what happened to me at the party?" My voice drops down to a whisper. I need to know what happened. I need to know how I got unfamiliar bruises and a loss of memory.
His eyes open a little wider. Mason is acting weird. I don't like it. I want him to be cocky and wear that smirk I hate.

"You don't remember?"

I shake my head, "I just remember talking to Logan in the kitchen, then my mind goes blank. So what happened?" I ask eagerly. This is out of character for me.

I think about all the secrets I told Mason when we were younger and wonder if he remembers how we talked to each other so freely. I remember that he's not the same Mason.

"You uh, you," he takes a pause, looking at me before his mood changes and he smirks, "You just got completely wasted and fell down the stairs at the party. I had to drive you home so you didn't hurt yourself anymore."

      "Oh." I guess nobody hurt me then. I feel relieved. I'm confused as to how the bruises are on my neck, but they show up in random places all the time when Adam hits me so I guess it could make sense.

     I smile, "Thanks Mason, I thought something way worse happened."

"Don't be dumb, let's just get started on the questions, Mel." He says.

I shrug.

"So first things first, your partner's full name and why they were named that way." Mason says.

I'm already writing his down. Mason Nicolás Foster. 

Mason means masculine in Spanish, his mother gave him that name because she knew that he would be strong and protect his family. And that he would be a handsome young man. Nicolás and Foster are his father's first and last name, he was named after a man I'd never met. The man he left me for.

"Melanie Alice Terrinson. Melanie means dark, because you were born at exactly three A.M. Alice is after your Mother's favorite movie, Alice in Wonderland. And Terrinson, the last name you took from your father, is a name not even your mother could pronounce at first." He says, not even looking at me but writing it all down quickly.

He's right, Melanie means dark. As in night, or what I believe, soul. I'm dark because I'm a murderer. I'm dark because of the bruises. I'm dark because I don't deserve to see the light.

"I'm surprised you remember all of that." I say quietly.

"I'm just that good," he smirks, "next question, their favorite color and why."

When we were little, Mason's favorite color was red because it was the color of Superman's cape.
"What's your's?" I ask him.

He looks at me and for a second, I see his lips twitch up into a real smile but it's gone just as quickly as it appeared.

     "Brown."

     "Brown?"

     "No just just any brown, the warm brown, brown like honey, the brown that's kind and secretive. Brown that lights up in the sun. A beautiful brown." He explains.

      "Brown," I smile, "why?"

     He stares into my eyes and I see him sigh, "It's just the most beautiful color in the world." 

     I smile back and roll my eyes, "Okay weirdo. Brown." 

     For the next twenty minutes, everything is perfect. I'm laughing, Mason has cracked four real smiles, it's like we're both seven years old in Mrs. Ailman's first grade class working on addition together. We've finished half of the second page when he reads the next question.

      "What is your partner's biggest fear and why?"

     My smile drops. I can't answer this question.   I can't lie either, I'm a terrible liar. Especially when it comes to Mason.

     "Easy, sharks, I hate sharks. When I was in Florida, I was surfing with my friend Dylan and we saw one, really big, just swimming next to us. I screamed like a little girl." He laughs. I'm trying to listen and I want to laugh with him. I don't want the previous moments to end.

     "What about you Mel?"

    I pause, "Heights." My voice comes out high-pitched.

     "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard, you used to love climbing on the roof with me. Come on, tell me."

     He wants the truth. He wants me to tell him about Adam. About how my biggest fear isn't the dark. My biggest fear isn't even the punching, or the yelling, or the scars. My biggest fear is losing Adam, losing my mom. Driving them away somehow like I do everyone else.

     I can't tell him my biggest fear is being alone. 

     So when the bell rings and Mason is looking at me, expecting me to say spiders or my moms attempt at a casserole. 

     I grab my bag and look at him, the words leave my mouth quickly and I'm walking away before he can have a reaction, I say, "The monster."

     The monster. The one thing I needed Mason to protect me from when he left. I used to think the monster was Adam. Before I realized he was only hurting. He loved his dad, I took his dad away from him. Adam isn't a monster. He's hurting.

     I'm opening my locker and I'm breathing heavily. I am all too aware of everyone around me, their voices are so loud and they're all staring at me. I can feel it. 

     Adam isn't the monster.

     I don't even close my locker, I drop my bag on the floor and I run. I'm running away from the truth.

Adam isn't the monster.

     I can't breathe. Someone is squeezing my chest so tight that I can not breathe. My head is pounding. My limbs are tingling.

Adam isn't the monster.

     What am I most afraid of? 

     I'm dying in a crowded parking lot, I can't remember where I parked my car, I don't even have my keys.

      I'm not afraid of Adam, I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of what I've been afraid of my whole my whole life. That I'm going to die alone and it's going to be all my fault. I'm afraid.

Adam isn't the monster.

    I am.

___________
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Why do you think Mason lied to Melanie, and do you think Melanie is right about what she says at the end of the chapter?
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