Someone Willing to Stay

Doubting Him

Adam takes me to get ice cream at a little parlor in the middle of town.
I'm sitting on the hood of his car with my legs dangling over the edge while he stands in front of me with a smile.
     He got me a waffle cone filled with strawberry ice cream, and I have no complaints as I scarf it down.
     This is why Adam can't leave me. He's my brother. He takes me out for ice cream and laughs when I smile at him with the pink cream decorating my lips.
     He does care about me. No one else sees this side of him.
     "You like it?" He asks me.
     "Of course, thank you, Adam."
    He smiles, "Sure thing. How's school?"
I shrug, "Junior year is supposed to be the hardest but I'm doing pretty well."
"Considering you like to play hooky." Adam muses. His tone is nonchalant but I tense up anyway, unsure if the reminder will make him angry or not.
"I- uh-" I don't know what to say so I don't say anything.
"Hey, Don't get upset, you learned your lesson already." He reassures me.
I nod.
Adam confuses me most of the time. His moods switch so fast, one second he's laughing with me and the next I'm lying on the ground as he kicks me. It's gotten to the point where I'm unsure of what emotion he's feeling. It makes it a lot harder to prepare for the blows.
Adam walks over to me and hoists himself up to sit next to me.
I just listen to the sound of traffic around us and the chatter of people. I can feel the warmth of Adam's skin as it presses against me, and they way his breath makes his shoulders move up and down.
"I know it's been a rough month, with Mason being back and all, but you have to remember that you don't get an excuse to break the rules." Adam reminds me.
"Of course, I know that."
"And I get that you're a teenager, but I swear Melanie," he leans down so I can hear him whisper, "any sign of rebellion you show me, I will squash like a bug."
Calm down, why are you so scared?
He's your brother, stop being so tense.
But I'm petrified.
I think back to Mason's words. How he told me that what Adam is doing is wrong.
It's not any different from when Mason stole Angel's favorite shirt and used it to wash his mom's car, causing Angel to bust his lip.
Siblings fight, it's normal.
Isn't it weird how you have to reassure yourself so much?
"I know the rules, I promise. I'm going to be good from now on."
Adam nods, satisfied with my answer.
Sometimes, when I look at him, I don't feel only fear. I feel an overwhelming wave of guilt. Adam misses his father terribly. He went through counseling for a year after it happened.
I remember when my mom and I got asked to step in one of the sessions. His therapist was a pretty woman with worry etched all over her face.
She would glance at me and back at Adam, stuttering to my mother about how Adam was progressing so much.
And when the session was over, she ushered Adam and I out into the waiting room. She said the words, "I'm afraid for your daughter." Then the door shut. And Adam never went back.
Maybe he needed it. After killing his father, I was to blame for stopping his healing as well.
"This ice cream is your birthday present by the way." Adam says to me.
I chuckle, "So that's why you ordered it so big."
He smiles, "You're going to be seventeen. I can't stay for the whole party, I'll probably only stay for cake so I can go back to my apartment and study for finals."
I don't say anything in protest, part of me is relieved.
"Of course you'll stay for cake." I tease.
"Yeah, yeah, come on, we should pick up some food on the way home." Adam tells me, holding out his hand to help me hop off his car.
By this time I'm done with my ice cream so I don't have to worry about dripping any in his car.
I get in and buckle my seatbelt, waiting for Adam to start the car.
He looks over at me and rolls his eyes, "I swear you eat like a toddler."
He reaches his hand out towards my face and I jerk back in fear, my head slamming against my window.
I gasp in pain.
"What the fuck, Melanie?"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it was an accident, I wasn't trying to get away, I promise. I'm sorry, I-"
"Calm down." Adam yells.
I flinch but quiet my blubbering.
Adam looks over at me and suddenly his eyes fill with tears.
My eyes widen, this has never happened before.
"Adam?" I ask gently.
"You're terrified of me," he exclaims, "I'm a horrible person, and a terrible brother."
I stare at him. He's leaning his head on the steering wheel, silent cries coming from him as tears slide down his cheeks.
"You're not." I whisper.
"You flinch when I breathe too hard, Melanie. This isn't- I shouldn't-" He stops himself mid sentence.
"I'm helping you, right, Melanie?" He asks me.
I'm confused by his sudden change from a blubbering mess to an almost demanding Adam once again.
I nod, "You are. Mom would've left by now if you hadn't been here to make me better." And as I'm saying the words I realize that I sound like a broken record.
The amount of times Adam has told me this have made the words engraved in my brain, I'm reciting them perfectly.
Only for a split second do I realize that I've memorized the words, but I don't understand them. And for that split second, I don't believe them.
But that's only for a second before Adam smiles at me.
"Good girl. Now let's go get some food."
And I forget ever doubting him.

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Sorry I haven't updated in a hot minute!
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. : D