social situation
trying to decide if this is okay
am i normal enough
for today?
is my outfit too revealing
makeup too slutty?
i wonder if they'll judge my movements
as flirtatious
because i'm wearing too much red
and if not my appearance, my confidence
could be seen as bitchiness
she's trying too hard
which ultimately means i've failed
and not tried enough
every word comes out wrong
serious feelings turned into jokes
i twirl my hair for a second
to try to cope with the moment
leave for the bathroom
lock the stall and leave my body,
i wonder if these complexes
still affect me
outside of it all
but my brain has damage too
that's why it's irreversible
that's what men do
they crawl inside
us scared girls' minds
make us fall apart inside
because we deserve it?
i don't think we do
though for me it's a bit different
the weakness growing every day
it feels like i have no right to say
what i do and don't deserve
i'll just cry as i pull a jacket over my shoulder again
and fold my arms over the problem
that protects my heart
and makes you so mad to see
for another day i should be able to make it
and my need for expression is not my fault,
but,
i may never feel secure enough
for having it
