Irhaboggle Pride (2020) Quarantine Edition

For the Foreseeable Future

"What do you mean it's nonessential?!" Peter fought the urge to throw his phone across the room. Although he wasn't too surprised to hear the news, that didn't make it any more pleasant. With the Corona virus wreaking havoc all over the world, everything was shutting down. The thing Peter was most concerned about was his local doctor's office where he received HRT. Because things were so dangerous, and because all doctors were needed to combat the Corona, the office was shut down for the foreseeable future, so Peter no longer had easy access to his testosterone. Even worse, though, he couldn't just go to the next doctor's office over. Even though some of them remained open, they were for emergencies only.

But for "smaller" and "nonessential" things like hormones? Nope. Because Peter would not die if he didn't get his testosterone, it was written off as a nonessential and he was suddenly cut off from his supply. Of course he understood the logic of the decision, but that didn't mean he wasn't still upset. It was hard enough being trans without losing his hormones to boot. He could afford to miss a few, but that didn't make it easy.

And it was made even worse because of the "foreseeable future" clause. Since no one could predict when things would be safe again, no one had any idea when that doctor's office would reopen. So poor Peter didn't even have a date to look forward to. In some ways, the uncertainty was the worst part of all. Even if he only needed to wait a few weeks, it would feel like an eternity.

"Of course I understand that the doctors are needed elsewhere, and I'd never demand that they turn their attention away from the virus in order to care for me, but come on!" Peter sighed in frustration. This was supposed to be Pride Month, dang it, and he couldn't even get his sweet, sweet T. Of course, he was still a man with or without the hormones, but the hormones did help. So it sucked having them taken away for the "foreseeable future". Screw that noise!

Peter had a lot of trans pride, but sometimes it was really hard to feel that way. Especially when setbacks like this just had to interfere in what would've otherwise been an easy process. It had been hard enough to accept that he was trans. It had been hard enough to set up the hormone therapy. It had been hard enough to watch his body slowly, slowly, slowly change into what it always should've been.

Now he had to cut all of that off. It was like some cruel, mocking reminder from the world that he was nothing without those shots, that he was not naturally male and was relying on something else to tie him over. It felt like the universe itself was transphobic, allowing him to get so close to his goal only to then snatch it away again. He knew he would be ok, but it was disappointing. He hated losing the hormones, and he hated being reminded that he needed them at all. It was a double-whammy of suck.

"Hey Petey," Peter received a text not half a second later. It was from Clover, his girlfriend.

"Hey darling." He sent a smile emoji even though his real face was anything but.

"Just wanted to check in on you and say good morning," Clover texted back with a few hearts. "Wanted to make sure you were doing ok during all this mess." It was such a simple message, but it made Peter's eyes sting with tears. For once, though, they were the good kind.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he texted back, and already, this was a little more truthful than it seemed. Of course he was still upset, but just seeing Clover text him was like magic and his heart felt a little lighter after that.

"I know this isn't the Pride Month you wanted. I mean, heck, this isn't even the year you wanted, but I still wanted to say how proud I am of you and how wonderful you are and how much I love you," Clover replied. Oh boy, the waterworks were coming...

"2020 has sucked, I can't deny that. It's not the year anyone wanted. Obviously Corona has been the biggest issue, but at the same time, there has been so much else all over the globe. I know it's stressful and overwhelming and the future just seems so impossible. Nothing is clear or certain, and that's scary. But I still just wanted to take this moment to tell you how wonderful you are. How strong you've been. How far you've come. How well you've done! Even if you don't feel that way, just by waking up to read this message on yet another draggy day of 2020, you've survived another night and that's incredible. That's something worth being proud of. That deserves to be recognized.

"You're truly a miracle, strong and resilient as you are. You use memes to bring joy. You use the quarantine to self-reflect, mediate and grow. You use the free time to expand your skills into new things you never thought possible. You may feel trapped, but you have not been idle. You've always been catching up on something. Even if that something was sleep, or Netflix, or a videogame, you've been moving forward.

"Now here you are, reading this message from me to you. Consider this just another step in the larger path to wherever life decides to go. This is a checkpoint, steppingstone, milestone and rest stop. Take this message to heart, because I mean every word, and I truly love you. I want you to do more than make it through. I want you to thrive and soar! Revel in that, and know that you are loved by me, and that I'm always here if you need. Every moment before this has led up to now, and this one will lead you onto the next moment until you find everything you've ever wanted.

"I know you'll get there, too, because if anyone can make it, it's you. And of course, I'll be here too, waiting and watching. I'm your supporter, friend, companion and protector. I'll stand behind, beside or before you. Whatever you need. I've got your back, and I'm so proud of you. This is what Pride Month means to me. I'm proud of you, and me, and us. This year, Pride belongs to all of us, and you've done an incredible job so far. You deserve all the Pride you can get.

"I know life is scary right now, and the future is unclear, but for the foreseeable future, know that we're gonna keep doing this together one step at a time and we will make it out alive, together. For the foreseeable future, we'll keep on going. For the foreseeable future, we'll make it. For the foreseeable future, I will always be here for you, and that future stretches out very far indeed."

By the end of Clover's long message, Peter was crying, but the tears were no longer blinding and frustrating. They were cleansing and eye-opening. Reminded by the woman he loved of all the support he had, he found a renewed sense of hope, courage and Pride. Yes, for the foreseeable future, everything was going to closed and changed and weird. For the foreseeable future, it was going to be hard.

But also for the foreseeable future, there was going to be Pride and joy and determination. For the foreseeable future, there was going to be love and support and hope. For the foreseeable future, they would be together. All of them. For the foreseeable future, everything was going to be ok. For the foreseeable future, there was going to be nothing but Pride, and they were going to survive.

AN: To all of you struggling right now, I see you and I admire you greatly. You all have the strength of heroes for finding so many creative ways to get through this crazy year. And if any of you doesn't believe me, DM me and I will show you all the ways in which you are wonderful.