Irhaboggle Pride (2020) Quarantine Edition

Less Hair, Less Hassle

"Ugh! My hair is a mess!" Captain grunted, frowning into the bedroom mirror as he ran his large fingers through his bushy brown locks. To call his hair a lion's mane would've been an understatement. His hair had always been exceptionally long, wild and thick, but in light of quarantine, with every hair-care place in the town closed, it was even wilder and bushier than ever before.

"Well, there's a simple solution to that," his husband, Maxim, gave him a smug smile, caressing his own hairless head. It was a rare day for Maxim to goof off in such a childish manner, but any chance he could get to brag about his genius was one he wouldn't pass up.

"Well, maybe you don't mind being a Chrome Dome, but some of us have dignity and pride!" Captain huffed back at the smaller man, almost offended that Maxim would dare suggest that he cut his precious, luscious, long, flowing locks.

"First off, you call that dignity and pride?" Maxim scoffed, looking Captain up and down while still caressing his smooth head. "Second off, I don't exactly think you can call me chrome!" A dry smile flickered across his face, but it was true. His skin was very, very dark. Granted, no human had skin the color of chrome, but Maxim couldn't resist the joke.

"You look so boring without hair," Captain replied with a frown, which was practically invisible because of all the hair in the way.

"I look good! You can actually see my face!" Maxim shot back. "Nice, smooth and clean and clean-shaven!"

"Well, that's just because you're obsessed with order and organization!" Now it was Captain's turn to tease. It was no secret Maxim was very orderly and strict. The three words that best described him were by-the-book. And by contrast, Captain was much more fast and loose with rules. Captain had never been one for authority despite being an authority figure. But again, for someone like Maxim, life had to be perfectly perfect.

"Less hair, less hassle," Maxim insisted, proving Captain's unspoken point. "It's faster and easier to care for."

"Well, I like the way my beard makes me look!" Captain stroked his massive beard protectively. "I think it looks friendly and relaxed."

"It looks chaotic and crazy as all get-out," Maxim scoffed without missing a beat. "It looks like a bear!"

"It's fun!" Captain insisted. Maxim, this time, only rolled his eyes and sauntered to the bathroom. A few seconds later, he was back, razor in hand.

"Oh, no! Heck, no! You keep that evil thing away from me!" Captain backed up, pointing accusingly at the razor in his husband's hand.

"Grow up, you big baby," Maxim scoffed again.

"But my precioussssss!" Captain whined, stroking his hair and beard again.

"At least let me trim it!" Maxim pleaded, revealing that he'd brought scissors, too. Captain glared daggers at the scissors.

At first, Captain only took another step back and clutched protectively at his hair, shaking his head and giving Maxim pleading eyes. But for once, Maxim only did the same, shaking the scissors gently and giving his husband a pleading look. For a moment, it looked like there would be no compromise, but then Captain's hulking shoulders finally slumped in submission.

"Fine," he huffed. "But only for a trim, ok? Not a full haircut."

"Don't worry, I just want to clean you up a little," Maxim promised, a rare example of his gentleness and concern shining through.

"You don't even have hair! How are you supposed to know how to cut it?" Captain grumbled, but he let Maxim take him to the bathroom.

ooo

"Ok, just... hold still! Stop twitching so much!"
"Well take it easy! Ok? Not too much! Be gentle. I'm kinda nervous..."

"Oh, grow up! You aren't exactly making this easy yourself! There's just so much of you!"

"Hey! This is my first time doing something like this!"

"Oh, you think I'm some sort of old pro? I'm new at this too."

"Hey! Woah! Watch where you're sticking that thing! I told you, only a few inches!"

"Calm down! I'm not being that rough! You really are making this much harder than it has to be."

"Not too hard! Not too fast! I can only take so much!"

"I'm not gonna hurt you, jeez!"

"You still could do a better of easing me into it! Maybe more of that gel stuff would've helped."

"It would've taken an entire tub to work when it comes to you."

"Oh, hush already."

"Then stop squirming and let me finish up."

ooo

After 15 "agonizing" minutes, Captain and Maxim remerged from the bathroom.

"Well. I guess you did an ok job," Captain said uncertainly, staring into the bedroom mirror once again. One could hardly tell that anything had changed, except that the hair did look just a hair (pun intended) shorter and neater. Just as promised, Maxim made it a trim, not a haircut, so the length and bushiness of Captain's mane was still pretty much completely intact. All that changed was that it was a tiny bit shorter and, because Maxim had trimmed the edges, it looked more uniformed and neat rather than just being a wild bush. Classic Maxim, evening out the rough edges, even if he was doing it through haircuts rather than paperwork.

And classic Captain, having to be uncertain and begrudging even though one could hardly tell that his hair had changed at all.

"Oh, grow up," Maxim rolled his eyes as Captain continued to scrutinize every inch of his newly trimmed hair.

"Hmph," came the reply. But even though Captain sounded grumpy, he wasn't. And he was no longer looking at himself in the mirror. Instead, he was looking at Maxim and smiling to himself. Little did he know, Maxim was smiling too (just internally instead of externally).

As much as the two bickered like an old married couple (which they were) the love that they shared was just as fresh and wonderful as it had been back when they first fell in love so many years ago. (And yes, even back then, Maxim had been completely shaven while Captain had sported his trademark mane.) Some things never changed, even if the rest of the world did.

AN: So, who else has learned how to cut hair during quarantine? I've actually been cutting my own for quite a while now, since it's so boring, basic and simple. You don't need to be trained to cut mine. But that's just how I like it! Less hair, less hassle!