Fix me

prologue

At the end of the school year freshman year, a girl committed suicide by jumping off of the roof of the school near the gym. The whole school was astounded, shocked that someone would commit an act as appalling as that at a high school.

They said she had too much going on in her life, that she couldn't handle the stress. There were too many changes in her life and she couldn't deal with it. And so she made the decision not to.

Years from now, I still don't remember the name of that one student that changed the whole atmosphere from the school.

There was a mandatory announcement we had to sit through in respect of our deceased classmate. We were forced to stay through a platitudinous hour of talking about grief and stress and suicide and how they all fit around one another.

They made a big deal about it, saying we should learn about all this because it is important for us students to learn the signs of what stress can cause.

Our teacher said stress can cause depression, in turn pushing someone to kill themselves and that was why we were there: to learn about depression and how 1 out of every 5 teenagers are depressed.

The student from freshman year was one of them.

According to the visiting speaker, there are ways to know if you shook seek help.

1.      You have irregular sleep patterns.

I stay awake at night for hours, thinking about things I shouldn't. I get maybe three hours of sleep a night. The dark circles under my eyes prove that.

2.      You do not have good focus on your grades or your good grades begin to drop down.

I used to be a straight A honor roll student. The school board presented me with a plaque and the principle came out of his office for once to shake my hand along with the other students that kept this school from crumbling to the ground.

3.      Self-harm.

One day, I was in the kitchen, washing dishes, and I spotted a kitchen knife lying on the counter. No one was home and the house was silent. I picked up the knife and put my fingertip to the point. A little dot of blood appeared from my finger, falling onto the blade.

I shifted my arm and ran the knife along my wrist. A red, jagged line appeared. It stung, but I liked the feeling.

The next day, I had six more angry looking lines on my wrist.

The day after that, I had ten.                                                         

4. A traumatic or life changing event has happened to you recently.

I was raped.