Chapter 2: Gravity
Monday morning I woke up with a huge headache, the first thing I did was check my phone and he still hasn't said anything since I left his place yesterday. I hopped in the shower, I trying to get myself to think about anything but Uhuru because the idea of him dumping me wasn't what I needed right now. I grabbed navy jeans and a black blouse, I opted black strapped heels. I pack my things, then left for work. There was no traffic thank God, getting to my appointment wasn't that much of a hustle.
Me"Good Morning, I'm Busi Mpondo, I have an appointment with Dr Ziba"
I have been going to therapy for as long as I can remember, and it's one of the things that calm me. Obviously my pills help too but talking to Dr Ziba has been my strength, she understands me and if anyone can advise me on Uhuru it would be her.
Dr Ziba"Busi, you can take a seat"
She gave me a hug then sat down
Me"I think I got dumped "
She smiled
Dr Ziba"I love how you just got straight to the point today. We have come a long way"
When I first started seeing her I would keep quiet the whole time, she eventually got me a colouring book and that's what I did for the first year when I went to see her. Then my cousin passed away, that's when my break through came. Since then she has been with me through everything, when I went to varsity she would Skype me.
Me"I am about to tell you about my selfish ways"
She simply nodded
"I gave him an ultimatum, but I regret it"
Dr Ziba"Why did you do it?"
Me"He knows and I think things will never be same between us"
Dr Ziba" Did he say that?"
Me"No, but I know it"
"I don't need his pity, I survived that and I don't want to relive it through his pity"
Dr Ziba"What did he say?"
Me"Nothing, he just held me"
"I don't want to put myself in a position where I will be forced to change myself to accommodate the love I have him"
She didn't say anything
Me"I know he will break me and I will hate him, I don't want to hate him"
Dr Ziba"It's normal to not want children Busi, he cannot force you to do something you are not comfortable with"
"But you also need to understand, he has every right to walk away when you are no longer what he wants. He wants a family and you don't, you can't expect him to be okay with your decisions and just forget his needs. That's not how love works"
Me"I love him"
"I would do anything to keep him, and that's scares me"
Dr Ziba"So you would rather be unhappy just to see him happy?"
I nodded
Me"He makes me feel less damaged, he looks at me like I am responsible for his oxygen. His love language is loud and clear, I love who I am when I am with him"
I smiled
"I can do it, for him, I can try"
Dr Ziba"What about what you want?"
Me"I can be miserable, he will be happy and that's all that matters"
She scribbled down on her notebook.
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