𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 - 𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

numb

cravings. they hit me like a ton of bricks. i light one and inhale the smoke, then breathe out instantly feeling calmer. fuck. what the actual fuck. i don't understand.

i really wish i fucking did. why does everyone leave? can someone please just stay with me, without getting bored of me? using me? leaving like the rest of them?

i look at the city below, inhaling more smoke. fuck this city. i can not be fucked to stay in this damn city a second longer. i need to get out.

i don't want to be used anymore. i just want to be loved. but everyone i care about leaves me. every time without fail.

maybe i'm not capable of being loved. how the fuck can i trust someone again? this is all my fucking fault.

i have to leave them, start fresh. leave them before they can leave me. hurt them before they can hurt me. but where do i go next, moscow? paris? no. i need somewhere familiar but also somewhere no one can recognise me. i need to get away from everyone i ever knew.

this time i can't let anyone close to me. i will not get hurt again. i want a busy city, somewhere different. maybe...

london.