i'm woken up by james in the kitchen, making himself a cup of herbal tea. weird choice of drink for a hangover. i can hear will and george talking in the other room but i can't hear alex. he must still be asleep on the couch with me. i sit up, instantly regretting my decision as i feel the pain sharpen in my head.
"fuck" i say, then realise i'm not on my own, "shit did i say that out loud?" i follow up as james walks over with a concerned but confused look on his face and chucks me a packet of ibrupofen.
"hey dylan are you feeling okay?" he asks cautiously, almost treading on eggshells.
"nope, headaches fucking awful but you read my mind with the ibuprofen. thanks" i state, my mind like cement.
"well i think you're gonna need them after the amount you drank last night" he says, brushing off the concern he displayed earlier.
"fuck, was it that bad?" i sigh and rub my forehead with my fingertips.
"so i'm guessing you don't remember throwing up?" alex cuts in "george had to hold your hair back and everything." he chuckles.
"fucking hell, should probably thank him for that" it could've been worse though right?
i thank george and say goodbye to head back to mine for a shower. i go over to my apartment door and scramble around in my bag for the keys when i hear my name. of course i have to go over and listen to their conversation, of course i do. i hear faint bits and pieces but the one sentence that stands out to me comes from alex.
"we have to agree not to bring it up with her though? whatever it is it's probably personal and it's not really our business"
what. what aren't they gonna bring up with me? what the fuck happened last night. what did i say? shit i knew it wasn't a good idea to get drunk with people i only just met.
wait. fuck. i told george my brother died. i told them about not wanting to be found. george is memeulous?
this is too much. i need a fucking cigarette.
i burst through my front door and close it behind me, then head straight to the balcony. i take off my necklace and squeeze it in my hand for comfort.
what's the point of moving from place to place when people always figure out? there is no point.
i quickly finish my cigarette and light another one, mind racing.
and george.
i told george too much. he told me too much.
i shouldn't even be talking to anyone?
i jump as i'm disturbed from my thoughts by a text message.
alex hey, i don't want to worry you but this picture is kinda going around twitter.
attachment - 1 image
i frantically open the image and my heart drops. it's a picture of me, george and alex at the cafe. it's taken from an angle where you can't see george's face, but you can see alex and me as clear as day.
these people are that famous? that anyone who's seen with them gets a mugshot taken? great.
i quickly download twitter and make an account, then find george's account to see the people following him who own the cult stan account thingys. and there i was.
multiple accounts had the photo and were desperately jumping to conclusions. most of them were about relationships not gonna lie.
right. it's fine. they're just curious. i doubt any of the people i used to know are stans of memeulous and imallexx. it's fine. it's all good.
i type out a reply to alex, what he said still lingering in my head.
dylan shit, i'm glad george's face wasn't revealed. if they find me they will find me, i'll just have to figure out how to deal with it. thankyou for letting me know though!
i sounded pretty calm in that right? because i'm not fucking calm at all.
i take a shower and try to calm my mind down. doesn't work. defeated, i climb out and put on something nice, hoping to make myself feel better about this shitty mess. i should post a picture to my instagram.
th0tflavour3djuulp0d
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
liked by xo.ellen.xo and 1936 others
th0tflavour3djuulp0d: how to forget everything. wait shit this isn't google.
user2: take some molly and shut up pls
user3: just do drugs kids, simple
user4: me reading all the comments having never done drugs at all 👁👄👁
i could really do with some rn. like really. even though it didn't end well last time. nothing really ends well for me LMAO.
i know someone who could hook me up in london, pretty sure i still have his number. did kinda disappear on him last time though?
fuck. am i really doing this again? i mean it's a one off. i just want everything to be gone. my feelings, my pain, my anxieties. everything.
i text the guy and arrange a place to meet. i have to go out, if i get recognised i can always say they have the wrong person or something? actually probably not. but 15 year old me is very excited to go on a trip again.
i step out my apartment once again and step into the lift, hugging my oversized sweater around my body.
