𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 - 𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

dreams

george opens his mouth to speak, then hesitates and closes it again. he turns to face me on the couch. "you sure you can handle it? i don't want to add anything that's gonna tip you over the edge or something"

"i can handle it george, tell me" i say. i'm not confident i can handle it at all. but i can't carry on not knowing.

"you were... talking in your sleep and you said some things" george explains as i nervously wait for him to carry on.

"shit, uh what did i say?" my hearts beating fast as my mind skims over everything i could've said.

"you started breathing really heavy and... you started talking about someone." he stops and swallows before he continues. "you were asking someone to stop hitting you, and to not touch you again" he looks at me concerned as i stare straight ahead of me, rubbing my forehead with embarrassment.

"you don't have to explain anything to me if you don't feel comfortable" he says tilting his head to meet my eye level.

"do you want to go out on the balcony?" i ask him, he nods and follows me out as a grab my pack of cigarettes and lighter. i take off my necklace once again.

we sit down and i light the cigarette, placing it between my shaking fingers and taking a huge inhale of the smoke.

i exhale and start my explanation. i feel so vulnerable right now. if i'm gonna say this shit, this is my only chance. because i only have it in me to say it once.

"when i was about 16 i met a guy at a party called tyler. and uh we kinda hit it off and became really close really quickly. we fooled around for a little bit before he asked me to be his girlfriend. then he moved into my apartment and he started to change a lot. it started off with things he would say, like he'd threaten me with killing himself if i didn't do something. then it turned into him threatening me with knives, putting them to my throat and like grabbing me by the neck. i tried to get out but he would threaten to kill my friends and me if i ever left. then he started to get abusive and it got really tough. i eventually managed to take my name off the apartment and replace it with his, then clear all my debt and get out of the country."

by this point i'd finished my cigarette, i flick it off the balcony before turning to george.

"please tell me i can trust you?" i say, putting my necklace back on. i'm really about to tell this guy everything aren't i?

"you can trust me, seriously you can"

i start talking again, "i flew to france and stayed there for a little bit, i had to legally change my name and get a new passport and shit so he didn't find me. i changed my name to lois and changed my phone number so no one could contact me. the only people i kept in contact with was my brother, and my bestfriend jay. i literally had to drop everything and leave everyone i loved because of tyler. and i was only 17. i find it hard to forget about everything that happened, and i sometimes have dreams about it so that's probably why i said that in my sleep. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have dumped all this on you. i should've went home to sleep so i didn't disturb you guys-" i stop talking and rub my eyes, looking over to george for comfort.

"please don't apologise. fucking hell dylan, i don't know what to say" he looks over to me and can see the hurt in my eyes.

i move closer to george and look up at him "you don't need to say anything" i mumble. he puts his hand out for me to hold and i rest my head on his shoulder.

i love how simple it is with george. he's so genuine.

we stay like that until he starts to ask me something "you never told me your biological name" he says. i turn to face him and say the name i've been avoiding for years.

"synthia, it's synthia" i say.

"i prefer dylan, it suits you more." he says, stroking my thigh with his fingers.

i giggle and nuzzle closer to his chest

"so do i george"