𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 - 𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

feelings

i shut the door and i lean against it, sighing. finally. peace. i have a look in all the rooms, admiring the beauty of the london apartment that was now mine. now time to see my favourite part, the balcony.

i slide open the door, pulling out the special box from my pocket and fetching my lighter from my suitcase. i lean against the door frame taking in the sights and smells of london, and light the one thing that keeps me alive. funny because every time i have one, it kills me a little bit more.

i breathe in every ounce of smoke, feeling the warmth enter my body. it hurt, but it was fucking addictive. i exhale into the cold sky, watching the smoke drift away. for the amount of people living here, this place was kinda peaceful.

you know what i kinda like it here.

i think back to alex, how was he so nice. i'm not used to it. but why was he being so nice? i'm very unsure whether to trust him or not. he seemed too nice. but that's just being nice right?

once i'm finished, i flick my cigarette off the balcony and head back inside to unpack, despite how fucking tired i was from the flight. pretty sure the jet lag was going to be tough to get over. luckily i had my trusty nicotine addiction to help me.

i didn't have a lot of things, since i was moving place to place, trying to find somewhere to settle down, so unpacking was very easy.

i take out the box that i had very carefully brought to london and opened it up, i'd been apart from it for too long. but i didn't want it to get broken on the flight or travel here. sliding open the lid, i took out the necklace and once again admired the silver eternity stone which hung on the end of it. i carefully put the necklace on and stroked it with my fingertips.

i miss my brother so fucking much. even though he still comes with me wherever i go.

i can still recall the moment i asked him to promise to never fuck off somewhere else without me. his reaction still makes me smile. 'if you think i'm going anywhere without you, you're fuckin on something u are. so u better get used to having me around because i ain't leaving u for nothing. where ever you are, i am' i guess i really made him live up to his promise of always sticking by my side.

i remember when i saw what the price would be to have his ashes turned into a crystal, but it's worth it for him. so worth it. now we'll always be together.

he's the only one who can't leave me.