𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 - 𝙜𝙚𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙪𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨

4am

another craving. they always come early in the morning. i fetch my lighter and retrieve my cigarettes from my jacket pocket. i do the same process every time; remove my necklace, slide door open, light cigarette, lean against door frame and breathe in.

i wanna go for a walk. i'm gonna go for a walk. i close the door and head to my front door to escape my apartment. i slip on my trainers and turn the lock, opening the door to a dark hallway.

i pull up my phone flashlight so i can see the contents of the dark hallway and head down the stairs. i don't know where i'm going, but i'm going somewhere.

don't worry about my safety though kiddos, i have my keys in between my knuckles to fuck anyone up who tries to touch me.

pulling out my phone, i search where the nearest supermarket is; 10 minutes, not bad. i start my walk and i flick my cigarette away, now craving something else.

i find the store eventually, good old tesco metros. once i get inside i head straight to the cold drink section and pick up a strawberry milk and two monster energy drinks. pipeline of course. perfect.

cannot wait to get these beauties inside of me.

i pay and thank the cashier, leaving the shop excited. i'm such a kid. getting excited about strawberry milk and monster. i find a bench near the shop and sit to admire the sun which is just about to rise.

i see a glimpse of yellow and orange between the trees which shines through, blinding me. then i feel someone sit down next to me. glancing over squinting, i make out a brown haired boy. i first thought it was alex, but then i saw those fucking beautiful blue eyes, and make the person out to be george. this time, i start speaking first.

"nice to know i have a stalker" i say jokingly, but keeping my expression blank so he won't be able to read me. he chuckles and replies.

"you wish, just wanted a monster but i think someone took the last two" he gives me the side eyes as i take the last gulp of strawberry milk, and put the empty bottle in the bin next to me.

"wonder who that could be?" i tease as i slide one of my monsters over in his direction without making eye contact. it touches his fingertips, which are rested beside his hips.

"no clue to be honest" he chuckles, giving me an appreciative smile.

we both open our cans and enjoy each other's company, quietly sipping monster and watching the sun turn the sky a million different shades of red. it was truly beautiful, and so was my company.

"so how come you're out this early" george queries, taking his last sip and throwing the can in the bin next to me. i swallow another gulp of mine and prepare my answer when he cuts in."and you don't have to lie to me, i could smell the smoke on you from miles away" he looks over at me and smiles reassuringly.

my brother always hated me smoking, but i couldn't give it up. i thought of him every time i done it, and tried to convince myself that that time will be the last, but something always draws me back to them. now every cigarette i have, i take my necklace off and hold it in my hand- blocking it from the smoke. i wouldn't wanna force him to smoke every cigarette with me now would i? . i draw out a sigh and start to explain.

"i had a craving, i don't normally have them this early in the morning but i couldn't sleep tonight. i do want to give up as my brother hated me doing it, but i don't think i'm ready for that yet. i mean it has to be the right time right?" fuck me. you said way too much dylan. can i just like pull a max from life is strange and rewind time so i can say that again without over sharing? my heart beat increases as i await his reply, anxious about what he would say. he starts to talk:

"i mean stopping has gotta feel right, right? like it's gotta be the right time." he explains. i understand his point.

"i'll remember that for when i'm ready then, i just don't really have anything to live for at the moment" i shrug as i take my last sip and throw the can in the bin next to me. i turn back around and see him staring at me.

"live for the little things then, just look at the sunrise in front of us, it's so mesmerising. you can't tell me it isn't. fuck it live for the taste of strawberry milk, live for the taste of that monster which hits different at 4am. just live in the moment." he laughs. i half smile at him.

"you know what i can try that." i say, slowly nodding. george gives good ass advice. if he gave up, i think i could too. i turn to look at him, making direct eye contact.

"thank you george" i sigh and check the time on my phone. "do you wanna go back?" i ask.

"yeah alright" he pushes himself off the bench and rubs his chin.

coming here was the best decision i think i've ever made.

however i have also just made myself 100x more vulnerable.