My Purgatory Hell

Chapter 17

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

- Orson Welles

A couple days had passed since Samantha found her peace. Once the shock wore off from her moving on and leaving me, grief had settled in. It was astonishing to have to experience loss yet again after my own passing. How could the dead lose somebody, after all? To distract myself from this gnawing pain, I mostly watched over my family. Though observing my family didn't help cheer me up, I couldn't seem to bring myself to travel elsewhere. I found the most comfort in the place I grew up. Plus, now that I've had time to myself, I could feel and feed off the energy from my family.

The atmosphere around my family had lightened a bit since my passing, but they were still mourning me. Jack and Austin were very quiet these last days, which was rare for the two of them. My dad threw himself more into his work to cope, which my mom didn't agree with. No, they fought more often than they did when I was alive. It brought a much tenser atmosphere for my brothers, but this was nothing I had control over now.

I took a deep breath and made my way to my bedroom. My room felt odd to me now, and it looked like my mother went through a few of my things. I sat upon my bed. It was only a week or so since I visited this room last with Samantha, but it feels as foreign as if years had passed. I hadn't anticipated being back here. A knot of nausea sat heavy in my stomach, and I closed my eyes and left the waves of emotion overcome me. I somehow deserved this pain. I'm not exactly sure why and what fate had in store for me, but there had to be some reason for my death. For my loneliness. If God had this almighty plan, certainly I wasn't aimlessly forging onward.

My door creaked open, which made me jump. I wasn't expecting anyone to walk in on me, so when I saw my brother I froze. The funny part was, no one was likely to see me. Austin froze, too, when his eyes rested upon me. Not what I was expecting

"You can see me?" I asked him.

Austin didn't look like he heard me. Frowning, Austin cleared his throat and spoke, "Maribell, what are you doing here?" His voice sounded as if he had seen a ghost.

Yeah, you're the ghost, I reminded myself.

I opened my mouth to explain, but no words came. What was there to say, when I wasn't sure why I was here.  Austin couldn't hear me regardless of how much I spoke or what I said. These surroundings weren't helping me find peace, I'll have to admit. No, instead they were helping churn up emotions that haven't been touched since before the unfortunate car accident that cost me my life. I shut my mouth and shrugged, giving Austin a weak smile.

"We miss you," Austin informed me, not pushing for me to speak. Nodding, I mouthed 'me too' to him and pointed to myself before sticking up two fingers. I was surprised he was taking this situation in stride. I would have either been frozen or ran in the opposite direction. Instead, Austin sat down next to me and ran a hand through his hair. "Things have been a little rough since...." Austin failed to finish his sentence, trailing off. But Austin didn't have to finish his sentence. We both knew what he was referring to, which just made me feel worse.

I sighed in frustration--I wanted to communicate with Austin so much. However, when I opened my mouth open to speak, Austin didn't seem to hear my words. He couldn't hear my words. Instead, we just sat in silence for a while on my bed. Austin perked up and put a finger up in my direction. "I think I have an idea. Hang on," Austin said, leaving me alone in my bedroom with a heavy and empty feeling. I could no longer be held or even spoken to in comfort. This hindrance seemed to set me off kilter. So when Austin reappeared in the doorway, relief washed over me.