My Purgatory Hell

Chapter 18

When people want to win they will go to desperate extremes. However, anyone that has already won in life has come to the conclusion that there is no game. There is nothing but learning in this life and it is the only thing we take with us to the grave—knowledge. If you only understood that concept then your heart wouldn't break so bad. Jealousy or revenge wouldn't be your ambition. Stepping on others to raise yourself up wouldn't be a goal. Competition would be left on the playing field, and your freedom from what other people think about you would light the pathway out of hell.

- Shannon L. Alder

"We did not cause Maribell's death, Winnie," Hayley attempted to console Corwin--her use of my nickname made the both of us freeze. Hayley closed the distance between them and placed her hand on his shoulder, but he did not welcome the touch.

"Don't use that nickname," Corwin demanded coldly, pulling away as if Hayley electrocuted him. He's never used this tone of voice with me. If I had any sensation, I'd feel goosebumps form on my arms. If I could feel more deeply, I would have been scared. To emphasize his dislike, Corwin gave her a glare while also making sure to put distance between the two of them.

"Why? Maribell called you that all the time," Hayley pointed out with a pout. She actually looked like a child when she made that face, which I wanted to gag. The argument my ex-best friend used was a low blow, and I hoped Corwin would defend my use of his nickname. Switching my focus between the two of them every so often, I waited for what Winnie had to say next.

"That's different," Corwin countered defensively. He gave her a dark look that said don't push the subject. It seemed, however, that Hayley did not receive this message clearly, because she pushed the topic.

Hayley crossed her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows. "Please--enlighten me on how that is different?" Her tone had raised a couple of decibels.

Corwin shook his head in disbelief at her reaction. "Maribell and I have known each other since we were little. She had a hard time pronouncing my name when we were kids, and the nickname eventually stuck. She is the only one able to call me that nickname." His words held a finality. I felt a pang of relief that he would stand up for me that way, however....

I froze in my steps. Corwin shouldn't have had to explain himself like that to Hayley. He may not have known this, but I had already told Hayley this same speech over the last couple years. Hell, she knew everything about me. She should have never used that nickname with Corwin. Hayley never should have pushed for an explanation, because she already knew the response. Her use of the nickname was just a convenient way for Hayley to weasel herself into Corwin's heart. A heart that he built walls upon walls around, which I have yet to figure out. She also knew I really liked him--for years! How could she have done this? How could she have gone behind my back and make a move on Corwin? This deceit.... This pain.... These thoughts seemed to plague me, no matter how much I tried to distract myself. In fact, I felt like throwing up. Was that even possible for me to do? 

Hayley took Corwin's hint and made a noise of discontent instead of voicing what she really wanted to say. "That night was a mistake, Hayley," Corwin stated. 

This comment seemed to shock Hayley, because she looked at him in disbelief. "A mistake? Of course it wasn't. You loved every bit of it," Hayley jabbed her finger with each statement. She raised an eye brow at Corwin as she waited for his response.

Her comment made Corwin more uncomfortable, but he seemed to hold his ground quite well. "That night was a mistake! Stop, Hayley. Just stop!" Corwin was basically yelling at this point.