My Purgatory Hell

Chapter 26

In my entire life, any time I've ever lost something, I've gotten something even better going around the next corner. It's like one door closes and another door opens. As long as I can walk through the produce section in every in this country and eat the grapes that they're going to throw away, I know I can be fine.

- Wayne Dyer

"Aren't you supposed to be doing that already?" Austin asked, as if this was obvious. He joined me on the empty swing next to mine.

I shrugged. So yes, I was supposed to, but it was hard to do when I could still communicate with Austin. A selfish part of me did not want to let Austin--or my family--go. To let my old life go. Everyone is terrified of dying because of the unknown it brings, but the same goes for the white light. Did Samantha cease after peace? Was there a party waiting for her? Do heaven and hell exist beyond this purgatory? Does God? I had numerous questions that I wanted to ask before I ventured into unchartered territory. I yearned for something other than this weight of constant sorrow.

"I think it is time," Austin admitted after a moment of hesitation. He was staring ahead of him at the see-saw.

My head whipped to the left to look in his direction. "Excuse me?" My voice came out on the harsher side, but I ignored this fact. I stopped my swing to get a better look at Austin, waiting for what his explanation was.

Austin sighed. "Look, I get it is ideal to be able to control situations like Mr. Green, but let's be honest. It is not your place, Maribell. I love you, but I've got to be honest and up front with you. The world will rotate around you. Mr. Green will do what his free will choses to do. You must let go and focus on what you can control. Besides, your sole purpose is to find peace. The accident was tough on us, yes, but there is no bringing you back from the dead."

Silence hung in the air. I never heard Austin intellectually argue with me before, or for him to have many valid points. His reasoning was legitimate and I felt sorrow tug at my heart strings. Suddenly, I felt like I was the younger one.

"I'll miss you guys," I responded, my voice sounding hollow. I closed my eyes momentarily. I wasn't saying goodbye, but it felt heavy in the background.

I felt the touch of Austin's hand on my wrist. I opened my eyes and looked in his direction. He had a sad look on his face, too. "I want to be selfish and pray you stay here, but that wouldn't be right of me. I know it isn't your job to guide us--me--through life. I get that, and I just want to be there for you while you figure out what you need to do."

I laughed as I wiped the tears that were trickling down my cheeks. "Are you sure you'd want me as a guide?" I joked, but I felt very touched. I wondered how Jack would feel if I talked to him--would he feel the same?

Austin's expression turned thoughtful for a moment as he processed my words and what he was about to say next. "You're right. You might lead me astray just to mess with me," Austin teased, laughing.

I clutched my chest and gave him a look of mock horror. "Why would I ever?" I asked.

"The real question is why wouldn't you. You always loved to mess with me, Maribell," Austin pointed out. He raked a hand through his hair.

"Hey now," I chided, "I certainly recall you messing with me as well. It was a two-way street."

Laughing, Austin replied with "fair enough." Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of movement. I turned my head in the direction of the movement. I could have sworn I saw Aaron. Aaron made eye contact with me briefly and kept walking.

"Who was that?" Austin asked, seeing the direction of my gaze.

I shrugged. "No one." Was it no one? My eyes wouldn't lie, though, would they? I thought I saw Aaron. Aaron was my friend, one who I'd see in the park often. I used to come here with my brothers and he used to come to the park with his sister. We all hung out from time to time, because the more the merrier. This was years ago, however. As we grew older, we stopped going to the park and stopped seeing each other.