My Purgatory Hell

Chapter 21

"Curiosity killed the cat," Fesgao remarked, his dark eyes unreadable.
Aly rolled her eyes. Why did everyone say that to her? "People always forget the rest of the saying," she complained. "'And satisfaction brought it back."
― Tamora Pierce

I revisited Austin in his dreams that night. I couldn't get the look that Mr. Green gave our mom that afternoon, which seemed to fester as I watched over my family. When I did manage to intrude on his dreams, Austin sat up and groaned. 

"What do you want now?" he asked after he rubbed his eyes.

"Who says I want anything?" I questioned innocently. Our little two line banter was familiar territory--we used to tease each other for years. I'd always bug Austin for little things. He's come to know that by now.

"This is the second time you are visiting me in my dreams," Austin pointed out.

I shrugged. "Maybe I just want to visit my brother," I offered up as a response which got me nowhere. I leaned back against the opposing wall. I cocked my head to the side as I gave Austin a mischievous look.

Austin raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I sincerely doubt that."

I laughed. "Okay, okay. You win," I conceded. "Yesterday when you were talking to Mr. Green, I saw Mom and him exchange a look," I pointed out. Austin didn't look like he cared about this exchange, because he groaned in exasperation.

"So you are disrupting my sleep over a look?" Austin probed. He stood up and made his way across the room to me. Shaking his head, Austin crossed his arms over his chest while waiting for an explanation or some sort of response. I thought about this, and tried for a clever way of answering Austin's question.

"Not really, because you are dreaming," I said sternly with a lot of contemplation. "Look, I have this weird feeling, Austin. I need to investigate," I responded. After a moment's pause, I added, "With your help, of course." I started to pace the length the room in front of Austin. The brown striped walls seemed to be invading my space as my thoughts swirled around in my head. The drive of my curiosity had consumed me.

"Shouldn't you be finding peace?" Austin's question was valid, but that was the last thing on my mind. How could I find peace when there was so much that needed to be sorted through?

I raised my shoulders in a show of nonchalance. "I should, but I have more important matters," I mentioned after a moment's hesitation. Austin picked up on that, and while I hoped he'd let this drop, he pushed further. "What is more important now than finding peace?" Austin asked.

I had a whole list of important things I deemed more important than finding peace. Helping Mr. Green ease out of his drinking, discover the underlying reason for the look Mr. Green gave my mother, and most importantly to confront Corwin. Oh, and let's not forget my battle on whether God exists. I didn't know what the confrontation with Winnie would bring, but I knew I'd be opening doors that needed to be opened. What lay beyond those doors--whether he realized he loved me after my death and if we ever could have had a chance--was the scarier than the confrontation itself. 

"Just please help," I begged. I avoided answering Austin question.

Austin was quiet for a moment, observing me. He was mentally waging a war on whether to push or leave it drop. The latter seemed to win over, because after a moment of silence, he sighed in resignation. "What did you need me to do now?"