My Purgatory Hell

Chapter 28

"If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in high regard.

And if I cannot be in your life, then at least let me live in your heart."

-Ranata Suzuki

"What are you doing in my dreams, Maribell?" Aaron asked in confusion as he took in my figure.

"I wanted to talk to you," I admitted on the shy side--I knew I shouldn't be shy because this was Aaron, but in watching him today, I learned a lot of things about Aaron that I never knew before.

"About?" Aaron cocked his head to the side as he waited for me to respond.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. I also wasn't sure what I wanted to talk to Aaron about. I was in knots with trying to discern how I felt about him--not that it matters though, since I was dead.

Aaron looked even more confused. I couldn't blame him for being lost. "About?" he asked me.

"That night. How I treated you? Not hearing you out? Dying?" I sighed. "I'm not sure anymore." Shrugging, I went and sat on a lone swing. It was peaceful being in the park again. Part of me should have realized this was his destination spot.

Moving to stand before me, Aaron stared straight into my eyes and soul as he grabbed the chains holding me up. "You have no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong. That night you were upset. I get that. Then things just seemed to take a turn for the worst." Some part of me thought he was sugar coating his words for me--he had to be extremely sad or mad with me. Yet he didn't tell me so.

I frowned, which made Aaron frown in turn. "Is something wrong?" he asked me.

Shaking my head and sighing, I responded, "No. I don't know. I guess I'm just tired."

"Of?" Aarom inquired.

"Everything," I admitted. I looked around the park. It was just the two of us, and even though it was just a dream, I was glad it was me and Aaron.

"That is a little broad, Maribell. You will have to be more specific for me to help you out," Aaron informed me sternly.

I shook my head. "I don't need for you to help me," I said, a little too defensive.

Aaron put his hands up in mock surrender. "I'm not searching for a fight. I'm just trying to help," Aaron explained, as if explaining would make things better. I knew he meant nothing harmful by his words. Everything was just irking me.

Sighing, I broke down and attempted to explain the chaos that was my nonexistence. "I can never get away. The living--you--can sleep and let oblivion take you. I'm constantly fighting against this current of emotions and thoughts with no relief. I've got so many things I need answers to." I shook my head. "There is no winning," I explained, covering my face with my hands.

Aaron was thoughtful as he took this information in. I could see the wheels turning behind his irises. I'm sure he was trying to form his words before he spoke. Clearing his throat, Aaron responded, "I see. What is this current you speak of?" Aaron asked.

I closed my eyes and scrunched my nose as I let my hands drop from my face. "I don't even know. I think that is the problem." After a moment of silence between the two of us, I opened my eyes and looked into Aaron's eyes.

"What is your goal?" Aaron questioned. He seemed to know all of the right questions to answer.

Shrugging, I admitted, "Honestly, I don't feel I have a goal or a purpose at this time. I wish I could take it all back--even going to the stupid party. I should be finding peace right now, but new insights keep springing up."