The Uncertain Something

V

12:37 pm. listening to Johann Sebastian Bach's cello suite is the actual key into making me calm. I can't deny that before, it was Beethoven, but after seeing The Clockwork Orange –boy that film disturbs my whole existence–I switched. Although if it goes on for too long, my mind feels like it reached the 360 and it's in the anxious phase again, over thinking things like how it will be for me one or five years from now. I keep thinking about the future that I forget I have important things to do in the present. It gets worse every now and then.

Over thinking is one thing, over thinking while living alone is another. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's really awful. Today's been good to me especially that I make a delicious tuna sandwich –I know how simple it is but let me have my moment–.

It's really the right thing for me to cut off some relationships. I remember the time I felt that I couldn't balance anything, I couldn't continue with my academics properly, I couldn't handle the love life, I couldn't even keep up with my mind that tears went down falling while I'm in the queue line waiting for the bus to school.

I've been such a cry baby ever since I became a college student. Breakdowns don't seem to know the word 'timeout', but reading a lot made me aware that it's good to cry for you not to bottle up. It's actually evidence that you're strong because you're not afraid to show weakness in front of other people, that or you simply don't give a shit about people.

      I lay on my bed, eating a banana, scrolling through twitter; there's nothing much in here. I go to instagram; nothing much as well. I'm getting bored with social media and I'm proud of myself.

      Bach's cello suite no. 1 keeps on playing while I skim through Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra. My eyes still feel a bit tired, but I want to keep reading. Besides, I still have time to spare and I'm practicing not to waste time daydreaming over things.

      1:56 pm. A message notifies:

Is the band already there? I apologize for taking too long, I just did something. I'm on my way.

      I reply:

I'm also on my way to the studio. I went back to my dorm to eat. You can go inside, the owner knows you already anyway.

      He replies:

Oh okay, then I'll wait for you outside.

      I totally lost track of time. I brush my teeth while washing the dishes –multitasking is a gift to women–. I grab my jacket and head in the entrance of hell. The sun is totally frying me up alive.

      I narrow down my eyes as I get closer to the studio. I think I'm seeing Jolo smoking, wearing a yellow and orange stripes shirt, black loosened pants, and yellow Nike shoes with a tote bag on his shoulders.

      Funny how we'll look like we time traveled from the 80's the moment I go beside him because we both look like hipsters or are we really one? Back to the Future gone wrong.

      I start as I get near him, "you changed clothes."

      He chuckles, "yeah, I think that's what people do after they take a bath,"

I interrupt him and mumble sarcastically, "Ha Ha Hilarious."

He continues to say, "Plus I'm seeing some friends at expo after this."

I gasp, "Wait, so you still haven't showered earlier? How come you smelled good?"

He replies, "I came directly from bed and I didn't even sweat so there's no reason for my scent to go anywhere." He laughs as he continues, "Wait, why did you smell me?"