The Uncertain Something

XVIII

29 June 2019. I feel like I'm in ecstasy—cliche but true—I can't fathom the excitement that's flowing through my veins.

I turn on the side of my bed with my hair running down my face, thinking that I have this all planned out since last week. I slowly reach out for my phone at the table to see what time it is.

What the feh- it's already quarter to ten! How is this possible! Did my alarm go off alone? Or did I not set the alarm??? It's no big deal if I will only prepare myself but I still have to prepare food for my siblings before they go home from school.

I feel such a klutz all over again. I thought I finally have my shit together, but then life happens and bam! My shit's been scattered, on the floor, the ceiling, the closet, and most importantly in my face.

I get up as fast as I can and grab some rice, and put them right where they belong. That should do for 30 minutes. I run back and forth to the kitchen and bedroom, multi-tasking the food and arranging my bag.

"So, this is what it feels like to be in a marathon." I mutter to myself. I run through the bathroom after frying their nuggets and apparently, I can do it as fast as three minutes.

I wear this pink checkered sleeveless and tucked it in my wide legged pants. I grab my jacket and my classic go to converse and of course I can't leave without my eyeliner on. As i'm about to finish with my make-up I notice the clock and it's already seven minutes past ten! Now i'm just spraying perfume all over me.

After months of living the dorm life, I almost forgot how traffic it is when it rains, no matter what time it is. There is utterly no exception to where you are. Philippine traffic is a disaster.

I'm still two stations away from Cubao, and it's not even my destination yet. I'm on my way to Marikina and taking the bus is the dumbest thing I did. The amount of excitement I got earlier this day has already consumed by the stress.

1:15 pm and i'm one jeep away from the Pride March but now i'm contemplating if I should still go because I can't compete with the traffic and I still have a job by three o'clock in the afternoon, in Makati.

I thought to myself that maybe that one jeep away is only going to cost me fifteen minutes. Then i'll take quick photos for like five minutes, and ride a motorcycle to Makati for an hour and a half. Okay, now i'm settled again.

Now i'm not. I mean, could this traffic be any longer? This is sick, I just want to cry right now. I feel like my stomach is twisting, it is being smudged up and down. I can't take this anymore. I want to burst into tears.

I keep on asking the guy beside me if i'm still far from my destination, and finally after thirty minutes, he said, "you can walk from here, it's five to six blocks away."

You know what. Thank you, mister, I will most definitely walk that six blocks instead of waiting for this ineffable traffic even if it's already quarter to three and my tears are nearly down the road.

I get out of the jeepney and walk away my frustration—while crying—that I won't be able to be in the office on time, I will be there but i'll probably be late. How did this happen? The most excruciating part is that it was all planned out.

"I will never forget this day." I whisper to myself as I stop at the pedestrian and see all the colorful dresses, rainbow flags and shirts, the smile on everyone's faces that I almost forgot what I'm being upset about.

It is so beautiful. Every one of them seems happy and confident, the feeling of not being afraid to show who they really are. This is the one that I am dying to capture on film. Love for themselves, freedom from discrimination and their rights to be seen as an equal because pride march is a protest for the stubborn minds to see beyond things they couldn't even fathom.