Dear Addiction

Chapter twenty five

When Dean woke up the next morning his head was spinning, and before his eyes had even fluttered open he knew he needed another dose. The craving too strong to ignore, tugging at his gut, clouding any other thought. A groan passed his lips as his eyes fluttered open and he pushed himself into a sitting position. Below the couch both Ellie and John sat watching the tv on a low volume.

"Sleeping beauty's awake," Dean turned his head at the sound of his brother's voice, who was stood in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I thought I was going to have to get Cas to kiss you."

Dean didn't respond, instead standing and slowly walking to the bathroom. His throat was raw though he couldn't care to get water, the cocaine would fix it, or at least distract him. As it would fix his exhaustion, and pain, and depression, and everything else wrong. When he got to the bathroom Dean closed the door, too lazy to lock it before he crouched to the floor, and opened the cupboard doors.

He stuck his hand in the same way he'd done the night before, though when he didn't feel the plastic bag a frown grazed his face. "Shit," he mumbled. Dean leant his head under trying to see if the bags of cocaine had fallen. Even when he heard the sound of the door being opened he didn't move, instead continuing his search, pushing a few items to the side.

"Lookin' for something?"

Dean should have froze at the sound of his brother's voice. He should have been terrified that his brother knew, or felt at least the skip of his heart. Though all he could feel was frustration as he pulled himself out from under the cupboard. "Where is it?" Dean spat. He stood shakingly using the sink for balance.

Despite the harshness in his voice Sam didn't flinch, only glancing across Dean's features. "I don't know what yer talking about."

"Don't play dumb with me."

Sam didn't reply, but when Dean took a step closer his brother glanced to the side.

"You flushed it." Dean barely whispered, his own gaze following Sam's to the toilet. His heart hammered as he practically fell to the toilet, pulling open the little and looking down to the clear water. His heart dropped, he hadn't known what he'd expected, the white powder to still be there, and even then how would he have collected it. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

Dean grit his teeth as Sam's expression stayed calm. "Dean," he began, Sam took a step forward, though after Dean sent him a harsh glare he didn't take another. "I'm trying to help you."

"Do what? Kill myself?"  

"Dean!"

He shook his head turning back to the toilet. "Get me wrench." He could hear Sam's footsteps approaching though he didn't care, instead he grabbed one of the pipes the metal rough against his hands as he attempted to twist it off. He wasn't sure what he'd do when he got the pipe but that was a problem for the future, at that moment all he  could care about was getting the cocaine back. "Get me a fuckin' wrench!"

"Dude, it;'s gone." He felt Sam's hands at his shoulders, giving a weak attempt to pull him away. "You aren't gettin' it back."

"You know how much that shit cost?"

"Your life?"

Dean finally turned to his brother. Sam's eyes were wide, a blood shot, his cheeks kissed with a pink shade. He looked close to crying, with his jaw clenched, and lips parted. "Stop being so fuckin' dramatic." Dean spat.

He stood, stepping around Sam, and back to the cupboard, something must have fallen, Sam couldn't have flushed it all. "Please Dean," Sam begged. "I want you to get better."