Dear Addiction

Chapter twenty eight

"Fuck." Dean screamed as he slammed Sam's front door closed, throwing his keys and wallet onto the kitchen.

His skin was still boiling from the argument just moments ago. Hands in fists, and jaw clenched. The image of Cas still burning in his mind. His blue eyes, damp hair, his pressed together li-ps as he stared daggers at Dean. His monotone voice.

"Fuck that son of a bitch!"

"Fuck them both!" Dean yelled again.

He wasn't sure how early it was, or whether his brother was asleep or not, but frankly Dean didn't care. Continuing to stomp through the apartment, before he fell back into the couch with a dramatic groan.

He let his eyes close, keeping them that way even as he heard footsteps come his way, stopping next to him.

"Dude?" Dean didn't reply to his brother, instead bringing an arm to his face. Covering his eyes with it. "Where'd you go last night?"

"Fuck off."

A second of silence passed. Sam surely stared in shock, eyes wide, and mouth a gap unsure how to reply. "Dean-"

"Fuck," Dean paused. "Off."

Dean could hear a sigh come from his brother before Sam walked away, leaving Dean to mope alone on the couch. Which was where he sat for longer than he'd ever liked to admit. Arm over his face, legs propped up on the other end of the couch. Skin still boiling. Heart racing.

Fuck Cas. Fuck Cas and his ability to brush that night away so easily, had it really meant that little him. Everything Dean said before meant nothing. Did Dean  really mean that little to him. Was he that disposable.

Dean layed on the couch, replaying the night, and the morning after, over and over, until a a knocking came from the door. Causing Dean to sit up in curiosity.

"Who is it?" Dean asked. He made no attempt to stand, instead watching as Sam looked through the doors peephole.

"Just Cas."

"Don't op-" Sam didn't listen and instead pulled the door open.

Dean quickly fell back, one or two swears parting his lips. He kept his body flat against the couch, hoping that Cas hadn't seen him.

Despite not wanting to see the other, Dean certainly wanted to hear him. Keeping his own mouth shut, and breaths hushed in hopes to hear the conversation, though it wasn't enough. Dean too far to hear anything other than the distant mutters and occasional shifts, the floorboards creating occasionally.

Finally the door was shut, and Dean sat up.

"What'd he want?"

"He was just returning your phone," Sam replied. He looked down to Dean's phone in his hands, then to Dean, a confused expression across his face. His eyebrows furrowed and lips pressed together in a tight line. Sam looked back to the phone, then to the door, and finally back to Dean, his confused expression dropping into shock, much to Dean's distress. "You and Cas-" Sam began.

Sam opened his mouth again, though this time not to say anything but instead stared at Dean in shock.

"Shut up," Dean grumbled. He stood grabbing his phone from Sam's hand, one he'd only recently bought after throwing his other at Logan. He took a seat back on the couch, turning it on, and opening a text from Lee. Even with his head down he could still feel Sam's stare.

Dean's gaze darted across Lee's text, 'concerts the 16th?', before typing out a yes and hitting send.

"You and Cas- Last night?"

"Fuck off."

Dean kept his head down, keeping it that way even as Sam walked over, taking a seat on the armrest. The indication that Lee was typing appeared, before it was replaced by his message, 'I'm going to fly in on the 15th."

"Then why are you in such a bad mood?" 

"Why're you so nosey?"

"Is it that time of the month?"

Dean finally looked up sending his brother the harshest glare he could muster. Sam only looking back ttih wide puppy dog eyes, and a slightly puckered out lip. It was no question where Ellie got her look from.

"Come on," Sma insisted. Dean replied with a groan, letting his eyes flutter shut and head tilt back. Could Sam not take no for an answer. "What happened?

"Well Sammy," Dean began, sitting up properly, "I know it's a bit different, but for two men, you have to-"

"Oh shut up." A smile spread across Dean's face as the disgust was clear in Sam's words. "I meant, why- what about Logan."

"Why, because we wanted to," and Dean was very high, though he wouldn't admit that. "and Logan as far as I know is in Italy until Thursday."

"So why are you in such a mood."

Dean hesitated for a second, "well the night was great, really fuckin' great, it was the next morning that had the problems." Sam didn't reply, which Dean assumed meant he should start explaining. "I had asked him if he was goin' to tell Logan, and then he got all fuckin' defensive, and said shit like it didn't count, cause I was- It was bullshit."

"Are you going to apologize?"

Dean opened his mouth the slightest bit in shock. Staring back at his brother to see if Sam was serious. "To fuckin' who?" Dean cried, "Why in hell should I be apologizing?"

Sam gave the smallest shrug, "you did sleep with him."

"Sammy," Dean began, "I know it may be a lone activity for you but, for most people it involves two. Three if you're lucky- four if you're high."

Sam rolled his eyes, shifting slightly in his seat. "Sometimes you have to swallow your pride, and apologize even if you didn't do anything."

"If it meant that little to him maybe I don't want to apologize."

"Dean," Sam began slowly, expression concerned. his voice soft and hesitant, causing Dean's stomach to twist. Dean glanced to his feet, no longer able to hold his brother's gaze. "What did you think was going to happen after last night?"

Dean didn't reply, unsure how to. What did he expect. He didn't expect anything, though the smallest part of him had hoped that the night would lead to more, dates, holding hands, kisses, just being together. Even if he knew it was impossible, he couldn't help but hope, imagine the possibilities.

Sam had opened his mouth to talk, though before he could  Dean stood, walking to the kitchen.

He started the kettle, watching it in hopes to seem busy enough that Sam wouldn't talk to him. Sam's question still burning in his head. Of course he had been stupid to imagine something, he knew that, though it didn't make the hurt that burned in his heart any less painful.

"In LA," Dean called, words seeming to hang through the silent apartment. He looked to Sam, the other still sat in the living room.. "You said you'd changed your mind about me being with Cas, why?"

"Dean-"

"Sam."

"I don't know, I guess seeing you with Jack the night you found him in the hall," Sam paused taking a breath. "You really cared about him."

- - -
Sooo yah!
I updated! I really didn't think that was going to happen! And if you've followed for about two years or more you probably know my track record of starting and finishing books... (it's not good)
Anyways! I did get this chapter done! After about seven rewrites, and a few tears (kidding) it was more like six rewrites!
I hope you all have a fantastic Monday! Stay safe, drink water, wear a mask, be kind, and take care of yourself!
Lots of love, paige