Dear Addiction

Chapter thirty six

"Now sign here." Dean brought the pencil to the bottom of the page, quickly scribbling out his signature across the small line. "And your free to go."

"Thanks," he mumbled. Dean grabbed his duffle bag from the floor, even filled only with clothing the bag was heavy in Dean's hand. He barely had the energy to carry his own weight from the sleepless nights, never mind any extra.

Dean glanced to the secretary one last time before turning away, walking back through the doorway he'd come through just two weeks prior and into the facilities parking lot.

"Dean!" His name was called the moment he stepped out, a smile spreading across his face as he watched Elle run to him. Dean crouched down as she came, the young girl throwing herself into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck.

"Hey El," Dean hummened. He didn't move, instead keeping his wraps around Ellie. He didn't think he could, the exhaustion weighing him down, mixed with the cravings that was often all he could think of. The needle, the drug, the euphoria. The minty taste of the cocaine was almost bursting across his tongue. Sometimes so intense Dean wasn't sure if it was just the withdrawal, or if he'd actually taken something. 

"How are you feelin?" Dean finally looked up from Ellie and to his brother, the other standing a foot or so away with John at his side..

"Good." That was a lie. "Yah I'm awesome." Another lie though Dean couldn't bring himself to admit the cravings he still felt, the dread, the guilt. Nothing had been fixed, in fact all that had happened was he'd waisted two weeks of his life to withdrawal and nightmares, not that he'd ever admit to Sam how much of  failure he was to Sam.

"That's good."

Dean pulled away from Ellie and stood, taking a step towards John. A hesitant breath filled his lungs before he pulled the other child into a tight hug, holding onto him for a moment before pulling away.

"Shit I missed you two gremlins, you know who else I missed," Dean turned to his brother who raised an eyebrow in question. "Where is she?"

A grin spread across Dean's lips as he watched Sam's expression drop. "You're an idiot," Sam said, though he still pulled a set of keys from his pocket and handed them to Dean.

"You better have taken good care of her." Dean said as he began walking through the parking lot, Sam and the kids following behind. "she isn't used to being left alone."

"She," Dean could hear the sarcasm in Sam's voice as he reached the impala. He raised a hand, running it along the roof, the black metal cold to the touch. "Is a car."

"Hey, you have your babies, I've got mine." Dean turned back to the car, running his hand down the door, and to the handle. "Isn't that right sweetheart."

He could practically hear Sam roll his eyes though the other didn't say anything more and instead went to the passengers side to help the kids get to the back seats.

Dean took a seat in the driver's side. He brought his hands to the steering wheel, the leather against his hands familiar, as the bitter taste of coffee began to spread through his mouth. When was the last time he'd had coffee, Dean wasn't sure.

A shaken breath parted his lips as the feeling of adrenaline began to coursed through his body, mixing with the panic that built in his chest. A low pain burned at his lower ribs, similar to that that burned at his wrist, growing worse with each passing second.

He was going to die, that was the only thing Dean was sure of.

From the pain that continued to sear across his body.

He was going to die.

With his lung barely filling.

He was going to die.