Dear Addiction

Chapter forty seven

"Sam?"

The word fell from Dean's lips, he was sure of it, though still through the hammering of his heart he couldn't hear. Through the blaring wind that ruffled his hair. Everything spun around him, the crowd that held him back, the fear, the railing of the bridge that Dean couldn't reach, the fear, the back of his brother's head, the fear.

He hadn't seen the other's face, he could barely see from the night sky above, though he knew it was Sam.

At the edge of the bridge.

About to jump.

"Sam," Dean screamed again, not carrying to hide the fear in his voice. He needed to get to his brother. Dean attempted to push through the crowd that held him back though no matter how much he pushed, no matter how many times he screamed and swore, he couldn't seem to make more than a step closer.

Sam was going to die.

A gasped breath filled Dean's lungs, raised arms frantically trying to push through the crowd.

Sam was going to die.

Sam was going to die.

"Sam," Dean screamed. He wasn't sure if he was sobbing, his body alive with adrenaline numbing everything out. Coursing through his veins, ringing through ears, taking away whatever air had once filled his lungs. "Sam!"

"Sammy!"

Dean stumbled forward, the edge of the bridge suddenly right in front of him. The rushing water, a hundred, two hundred, maybe three hundred feet below him. The wind pushing against his body, threatening to send him over.

He wanted to fall over.

Would it be peaceful, falling, feeling the wind against his body. Dying.

Would he have the courage to take the last step off the edge. Let his hands drop from the railing he held.

One step.

Dean looked back, though no one was there.

He was alone, accompanied by nothing but the wind and moon.

Alone.

Alone, to die.

One step.

Dean's hands slowly dropped from the railing, every inch of his body screaming for him to step away, move back to safety. When had he even gotten to the edge, when had he decided to jump. It didn't matter. He wanted to. He was going to.

Alone.

No one to stop him.

A breath parted Dean's lips, inaudible over still blaring wind. His gaze dropped to the water, and without a second thought, he jumped.

A scream ripped through his lungs as Dean jolted awake, eyes wide, meeting the dark room in front of him. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, waking up screaming from nightmares, it had been every night though that never made it easier; his heart always beat, racing faster than Dean had ever thought possible, his head spinning, unsure what exactly was reality and what his mind had created.

"Dean." His gaze didn't move from a head of him, Cas's words only blurring with the ringing, with the hammering, with his own gasped breaths.

Mind stuck repeating the way the wind had pushed against his body as Dean free fell from the bridge. More importantly Sam. Sam. His brother. His brother that he had been on the verge of not saving, of being helplessly held back, incapable of even moving.

Sam.

"Dean, you're okay."

Dean gasped for another breath, attempting to raise his hands to his head, though the moment he had begun raising them something forced them back to his lap. Cas? It didn't matter.