Just Hold Me (Sidney Crosby) EDITING THEN CONTINUING

Chapter 23 - Talking to Evgeni

He looks me up and down as I await what he wanted to talk to me about. Geno's acting kinda weird.

"So how Hannah like Sid?" I hear him ask, snapping myself back to reality.

"Oh...um, he really is great. I just hope my knight in shining armor doesn't turn out to be an asshole in aluminum foil." I say, trying to laugh a little to release the tension between us.

He scrunches his face in confusion. "What you mean?"

"I just--I just spazz and get anxious about everything..it's stupid. Doesn't matter."

"No. Not stupid. Tell." He says.

"It's just so complicated in a way. It's nothing he's doing. It really is me. It's confusing and unexplainably hard to figure out these emotions. Like...when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. but I'm always afraid. Always scared of the expected or the actual unknown. A little voice in my head just tells me constantly he won't stay. And I'm just waiting for the moment he realizes I'm not enough for him."

"What make you think you not good enough for Sid?"

"I was just some girl in the crowd. Some girl he thought would be good for him. I just don't know if I am. I don't think I can really make him happy in the end. I'm not the fashion model that everyone wants. I'm not the pretty girl that makes heads turn when she walks into the room. I just--I'm just--"

"Not perfect?" He finishes for me.

"I--I'm not pre--I'm--"

"Don't you dare say 'ugly'."

I feel the urge, the want, the need to cry.

'YOU not ugly. Not even for split second, anyone think ugly about you. It does not make sense to call selves ugly because we do not actually see selves. We don't watch selves sleep in bed, curled up and silent, chest rising and falling with own rhythm. Don't see selves reading book, eyes fluttering and glowing. Don't see self look at someone with love and care in heart. There no mirror in way when laughing and smiling and happiness leaking out you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw self in the moments when you are truly self. Hannah, you beautiful."

"I don't think I'm beautiful. At times, I think I look pretty, but all it takes is a bad picture of me, seeing gorgeous girls, people pointing out my flaws and I start feeling horrible about myself. I try not to let other people's opinions of me affect the way I see myself, but sometimes it's so hard. People tell me I'm perfect, gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, but they don't see what I see..I just don't see myself being good enough." I say, pushing my knees together, and placing my face in my hands.

I cry into my hands like I have never cried before.

Evgeni grabs me and pulls me against him.

It was a good hug, and I'm glad it lasted as long as it did. It was up to me when to let go, and it wasn't any time soon. I wouldn't want to bother Sidney with this crap. It would just seem desperate and annoying when it came to talking to him about my flaws.

It seemed wrong telling my boyfriend's best friend about the things I should be very comfortable with telling my actual boyfriend.

It's weird.

"I had this really weird dream earlier. More like a nightmare really." I say, looking towards the wall. The side of my face is against Evgeni's chest and he smelled really good.

"What happened?"

"Sid was breaking up with me in that dream, and saying the most awful things. I know he would never say such things, but coudn't help but feel alarmed. I don't know what sparked an idea like that, but...ugh...I'm just so scared Evgeni."

I feel like a total slut and probably sound like one. Being all up against my boyfriend's best friend and all, but he was the one not letting go.

"I hope you come to me with problems. I love to help you."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to G." I say, turning my head and pushing my face into his right peck.

"Well, you should get sleep. But promise no more nightmares, huh?"

I chuckle, pulling back from his chest.

"Haha. Yeah."

He smiles at me a happy smile. No teeth. Just a wide lipped, full of joy, happy smile.

I returned the favor.

I take one last look at his freshly shaved face, and nicely cut hair before he stands up and leads me to a bedroom further into his home.

He gave me sweatshirt and sweatpants since "heat not gret".

When he leaves, I change and climb into the large bed.

*Sidney's Point of View*

I meet Evgeni in the hallway.

"Hey." I say.

"Hello Sid."

"Hi." i say, not sure what was happening or what to say.

"So uh. Is Hannah okay?"

"Oh yes. Good. Very good. Asleep in bedroom. Very tired."

"Oh okay."

We walk to the room together.

The door is slightly open and Hannah is lying there, curled up, hair scattered all over her pillow.

"Hannah is...very beautiful girl. Sweet girl. Nice girl."

"Yeah." I say, looking up at him.

"Thing I hate to see is two people supposed to be together and something comes between."

I look up at him again.

"Keep her close and hold her tight. It be all she will ever need." He says.

With a slight smile, he turns around, and disappears in the darkness.