BLACK MONEY LOVE

Chapter 9

No smooth phrases,no romantic words could have affected her deeply. She wasn't used to flattery, but flattery,Roma was sure,could be brushed easily aside by a woman who understood herself. Sincere and approval was a different matter. Perhaps it was the candlelight, the wine, the intimacy of the small kitchen in the empty house, but she felt close to him, comfortable with him. Without being aware of it happening,Roma dropped her guard.
" I couldn't be anything else."
" Yes you could. I'm glad you're not."
" What are you?" She wondered as she sat beside him.
" A thirty five year old lawyer who's just realizing he wasted some time to making the best of whatever it is."
Though she wasn't certain she understood him,Roma drank then waited for him to eat.
" You could fuel an engine with this stuff." Zack dipped his spoon into the chili again and tasted. Hot spice danced on his tongue.
" It's great."
" Not too hot for your Yankee stomach?"
" My Yankee stomach can handle it.  You know, I'm surprised you haven't opened a restaurant, since you can cook like this."
She wouldn't have been human if the compliment hadn't pleased her." I like the water more than I like the kitchen."
" Where did you learn to dive?"
" Right here in Cozumel, when I was just a little older than Faith." As a matter of habit she began to store the leftovers while finished his food." My parents brought me. I took it right away. It was like,I don't know, learning to fly I suppose."
" Is that why you came back?"
" I came back because I'd always felt peaceful here. I needed to feel peaceful."
" But you must have still  been in school in the states."
" I was still in college." Crouching,Roma shifted things in the refrigerator to make room.
" My first year. I was going to be a marine biology teacher who'd enlighten class after class on the mystery of the sea. A scientist who'd find all answers. It was such a big dream. It overwhelmed everything else to the point where I studied constantly and rarely went out. Then I---"  She caught herself. Straightening slowly, she closed the refrigerator.
" Then what?" Zack demanded, taking her shoulders as she hit the switches. She stared at him. Light poured over them without the shifting shadows of the candles." Then I met Faith's father, and that was the end of my dreams."
The need to know eclipsed judgement. He forgot to be careful." Did you love him?"
" Yes if I hadn't,there'd been no Faith."
It wasn't the answer he'd wanted.
" Then why are you raising her alone?"
" That's obvious , isn't it?" Anger surged as she shoved his hand aside." He didn't want me."
" Whether he did or didn't , he was responsible to you and the child."
" Don't talk to me about responsibility. Faith's my responsibility."
" The law sees things otherwise."
" Keep your law," she snapped.
" So you let pride cut you off from your rights?" Impatient with her,he stuck his hands in his pockets and strode back to the sink." Why didn't you fight for what you were entitled to?"
" You want the details, Zack?" Memories brought it's own particular pain, its own particular shame. Roma concentrated on the anger. Going back to the table she picked up her glass of wine and drank deeply.
" I wasn't quite eighteen. I was going to college to study exactly what I wanted to study so I could do exactly what I wanted to do. I considered myself a great deal more mature than some of my classmates who flirted around from class to class more concerned about where the action would be that night. I spent most of my evenings in the library. That's where I met him. He was in his last year and knew if he didn't pass the bar there'd be hell to pay at home. His family had been in law or politcs since the revolution. You'd understand about family honor, wouldn't you?"
The arrow hit the mark, but he nodded.
" Then you should understand the rest. We saw each other every night in the library, so it was natural that we began to talk,then have a cup of coffee. He was smart, attractive, wonderfully mannered and funny. I feel hard. He brought me flowers and took me for long quite drives on Saturday nights. When he told me he loved me,I believed him. I thought I had the world in the palm of my hand."
She set the wine down again, impatient to be finished.  Zack said nothing.
" He told me we'd get married as soon as  he established himself. We'd sit in his car and look at the stars and he'd tell about his home in Dallas and the wonderful rooms. The parties and the servants. It was a like a story,a lovely happy-after story. Then one day his mother came." Roma laughed, but gripped the back of her chair until her knuckles were white. She could still feel the humiliation.
" Actually, she'd sent her driver up to the dorm to fetch me. Khalil hadn't said anything about her visiting, but I was thrilled that I was going to meet her. When the driver opened the door for me. I was floating. Then I got in and she gave me the facts of Life. Her son had a certain position to maintain,a certain image to project. She was sure I was a very nice girl, but hardly suitable for a Jensann of Dallas."
Zack's eyes narrowed at the name, but he said nothing. Restless,Roma went to the stove and began to scrub the surface.
" She told me she'd already spoken with her son and he understood the relationship had to end. Then she offered me a check as compensation. I was humiliated, and worse, I was pregnant. I hadn't told anyone yet, because I'd just found out that morning. I didn't take her money. I got out of the rolls and went straight to Khalil. I was sure he loved me enough to toss it all aside for me, and for our baby. I was wrong."
Her eyes were so dry that they hurt. Roma pressed her fingers to them for a moment." When I went to see him, he was very logical. It had been nice; now it was over. But he wanted me to know we could still see each other now and again,as long as it was on the side. When I told him I was pregnant, he got furious. How could I have done such a thing? I."
Roma tossed the dishrag into the sink so that hot soapy water heaved up. " It was as though I'd conceived the baby completely on my own. He wouldn't have it, he wouldn't have some silly girl who'd gotten herself pregnant messing up his life. He told me I had to get rid of it. It--- as though Faith were a thing to be erased and forgotten. I was hysterical. He lost his temper. There were threats. He said he'd spread the word that I was sleeping around and his friends would back him up. I'd never be able to prove the baby was his. He said my parents would be embarrassed, perhaps sued if e tried to press it. He tossed around a lot of legal phrases that I couldn't understand, but I understood one thing,he was finished with me. Because I was foolish enough to believe everything he said, I was terrified. He gave me a check and told me to go out it the state---better, out of the country---to take care of things. That way no one would have known."
" For a week I did nothing. I went through my classes in a daze, thinking I'd wake up and find out it was all a bad dream. Then I faced it. I wrote my parents, telling them what I could. I sold the car they'd given me when I graduated from high school, took the check Khalil gave me and came to Cozumel to have my baby."
He wanted to know, even demand." You could have gone to your parents."
" Yes but at that time Khalil had convinced me they'd be ashamed. He told me they'd hate me and consider the baby a burden."
Panic came and went,then returned in double force. " He doesn't know Faith exists. None of them do. They can't."
Watching her steadily,he took a step closer." What are you afraid of?"
" Power. Faith is mine,she's going to stay mine. None of them will ever touch her."
" Is that why you stay here? Are you hiding from them?"
" I'll do whatever's necessary to protect my child."
" He's still got you running scared." Furious for her Zack took her arms. " Don't you know a man like that wouldn't even remember who you are? You're still running away from a man who wouldn't recognize you on the street."
She slapped him hard enough to make hii head snap back. Breathing fast, she backed away from him, appalled by the show of violence she hadn't been aware of possessing." Don't tell me what am running from," she whispered. " Don't tell me what I feel." She turned and fled. Before she'd reached the front door he had her again, whirling her around, gripping her hard. He no longer knew why his anger was so fierce, only that he was past the point of controlling it.
" How much have you given up because of him?" Zack demanded." How much have you cut out of your life?"
" It's my life!" She shouted at him.
" And you won't share it with anyone but your daughter. What he'll are you going to do when she grows up? What the hell are you going to do in twenty years when you have nothing but your memories?"
" Don't." Tears filled her eyes to quickly to be blinked away.
He grabbed her close again." We all need someone. Even you. It's about time someone proved it to you."
"No."
She tried to turn her head but he was quick. With his mouth crushed on hers she struggled, but her arms were trapped between their bodies and his were iron like around her. Emotions already mixed with fear and anger became more confused with passion. Roma fought not to give in to any of them as his mouth demanded both submission and response.
" You're not fighting me," he told her. His eyes were close searing into hers." You're fighting yourself. You've been fighting yourself since the first time we met."
" I want you to let me go." He told her. She wanted her voice to be strong, but it trembled.
" Yes. You want me to let you go just as much as you want me not to. You've bet making your own decisions for a long time,Roma. This time I'm making one for you."
Her furious protest was lost against his mouth as he pressed her down the sofa. Trapped under him, her body began to heat. Yes, she was fighting herself. She had to fight herself before she could fight him. But she was losing.
She could taste the passion, the life, the promises. She wanted them all. Recklessness, so long chained within,tore,freed and ruled. A sound bubbled in her throat she wasn't even aware was a laugh as she wrapped herself around him. She wanted. He wanted. The hell with the rest.
He pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it aside. His heartbeat thundered. She was so small, so delicate. But he had a beast inside him that had been caged too long. He took her breast and in his mouth and sent them both spinning. She tasted so fresh:a cool,clear glass of water. She smelled of a woman. He felt her body arch against his,hot as a comet. No man alive could have resisted it; any man alive might have wished for it. His mouth was buried at her throat when he felt his shirt ripped away from his back.
She hardly knew what she doing. Touching his sent demands to her brain that she couldn't deny. She wanted to feel him against her, flesh to flesh, to experience an intimacy she'd so long refused to allow herself. There was only one Zack, she pulled his mouth back to hers to taste him again.
He drew off her slacks so that she was naked, but she didn't feel vulnerable. She felt invulnerable. Hardly able to breathe,she struggled with his. Then she gave him no choice. Desperate for that final release, she wrapped her legs around him and drew him into her until she was filled. At the shock of that first ragged peak,her eyes flew open. Inches way,he watched her face. Her mouth trembled open, but before she could catch her breath,he was driving her higher, faster. She couldn't tell how long they had balanced on the edge, trapped between pleasure and fulfillment. Then his arms came around her, hers around his. Together they broke free.
She didn't speak. Her system leveled slowly, and she was helpless to hurry it. He didn't move. He'd shifted his weight, but his arms had come around her and stayed there. She needed him to speak, to say something that would put had happened in perspective. She'd only had one other lover and had learned not to expect.
Zack rested his forehead against her shoulder a moment. He was wrestling with his own demons.
" I'm sorry,Roma."
He could have said nothing worse. She closed her eyes and forced her emotions to drain. She reached for the tangle of clothes on the floor." I don't need an apology."With her clothes in a ball in her arm, she walked quickly to the bedroom.
On a long breath, Zack sat up. He couldn't seem to find the right buttons on Roma. Every move he made seemed to be a move in reverse. Drawing on his pants, Zack started for his room. It shouldn't have surprised him to find himself veering towards Roma's. She was just pulling on a robe." It's late, Zack."
" Did I hurt you?"
She sent him a look that made guilt turn over in his stomach.
" Yes. Now I want to take a shower before I go to bed."
" Roma, there's no excuse for being so rough, and there's no making it up to you, but---"
" Your apology hurt me," she interrupted." Now if you have said all you have to say,I'd like to be alone."
He stared at her for a moment,then dragged a hand through his hair." Damn it, Roma,I wasn't apologizing for making love to you, but for the luck of finesse. I practically tossed you on the ground and ripped you clothes off."
She folded her hands and tried to keep calm." I ripped yours."
His lips twitched,then curved.
" Yeah, you did."
Humor didn't come into her eyes.
" And do you want an apology?"
He came to her then rested his hands on her shoulders." No. I guess what I'd like is foryou to
say you wanted me as much as I wanted you."
Her courage weakened, so she looked beyond him." I thought that was obvious."
"Roma." His hand was gentle as he turned her face back to his.
" All right. I wanted you. Now---"
"Now," he interrupted." Will you listen?"
" There's is no need to say anything."
"Yes there is."