whore || hemmings

seventeen ➳ confessions

Everything was embarrassing.

The neighbourhood was too quiet when I decided to take a walk around here, in order to clear my head. The sky was a deep shade of beige, as if it had just rained, and all the houses around me had either closed doors and windows, or no car outside. It's as if no one wanted to be there for me, and I was okay with that.

Never had I ever taken a few minutes to myself, and think about everything that's happened the past three weeks. It was all in a black and white filter, I'd say, with grey shades and lots of smoke. I never meant for things to get so out of control, but sometimes, you just can't have power over the way life flows. Maybe it was my fate to end up this screwed up, or maybe it wasn't; nothing can be done now, for I felt utterly destroyed and scarred.

Not knowing how, I found myself standing outside Ashton's house, with my hands dug deep inside the pockets of my trench coat. My lips curled up on a soft smile when I felt my packet of cigarettes in there, and I took a few steps towards Ashton's porch.

The curtains were pulled on the windows out front, but I walked up the steps and knocked on his door anyway. It was already night now and a few stars could be seen on the dark blue sky. When I was little, I used to stay up until late hours, only to see a star fall and make a wish. Most times it was about my parents coming home, and I never got my wish when I needed it, but oh well.

A woman appeared behind the door and her lips formed a wide smile. Judging from her age, she must be Ashton's mother. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"I'm Ashton's friend... uh, Bo."

The door opened a little further and the woman stepped back, allowing me enough space to walk into the hall. "Ashton's told us so much about you darling, come in." Warmth embraced me once I strode inside, and only then did I realise that it was actually freezing cold out there.

"He has?"

She smiled kindly and nodded. "Yes, all the time. I'm Ann."

I shook her hand politely. "Nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Ashton is upstairs, his room is the third door on your left" she explained while helping me take my coat off, but I grasped on it before she could hang it there. "You want to leave it here, honey?"

I pulled my most polite and kind smile off as I made my way towards the wooden staircase. "I'd rather have it with me, there's stuff inside the pockets I need."

"As you wish" she kept on smiling in a welcoming way and made her way to the kitchen, which was an open room on our left. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you so much." I smiled one last time and started walking up the stairs slowly, careful not to be heard throughout the whole building. I had made the mistake of wearing my heeled leather boots and the noise they made was the most annoying thing in the world.

As I walked down the dark hallway, I kept looking around the pictures hanging here and there, most of them of Ashton, a girl who must be his sister and his younger brother. A pinch of jealousy appeared on the back of my head but I kicked it off right away; it wasn't right to feel this way. My thoughts were distracting me so much, that when I bumped on someone, I didn't even notice until she pointed it out.

"Watch where you're going" she murmured, until she noticed me looking down at my boots and reconsidered. "Wait, everything alright?"

"Yeah" I trailed off in a slightly audible voice, nodding vigorously. "I um, I'm sorry about that."

She shrugged. "We all have this kind of days, I get it." Pointing back to the end of the hallway, on a white door, she winked at me with a chuckle. "If you're looking for him, he's in there."