LINCOLN THE FALLEN ORIGINAL

21. DEJÀ VÙ

Sarah's POV

I should have taken time, I should have given it a clear thought, I should have talked with Ian before accepting to trigger my curse. Lot of things kept running inside my mind making me stumble with the decision that I have already taken. I never wanted to trigger my curse in first place, I have not even given it a thought of what would happen if I trigger my curse.

All I wanted and still want is a happy normal life, a life which every small town girl wishes to live. But when the situation of choosing between me and a life of unborn child came, I choose to trigger my curse because I don't want to carry the guilt. The guilt of becoming a reason for death of a child which I could have saved if I wasn't thinking just about me.

Truly I can't stand to live with that guilt for rest of my life. It will haunt me every minute of my life making it miserable. So I choose to trigger my curse. The only thing bothers me is what would Ian have to say about this. I saw him before I express my decision, he gave me I will be there, no matter what look. He used to give me that every time when I was in worryful situation and mostly when I needed it. There wasn't need for me to ask, he would just assure me with it.

But this situation is way different than those in my past. This is a life changing decision. I know he would be there for me no matter what but part of me couldn't help it but wonder what if he chooses otherwise, what if he hates the idea of me triggering my curse, what if he thinks that it will change what we have for each other, what if he thinks that I didn't care to consider his opinion. I don't want that to happen so I decided to ask him.

I pulled his hand to stop him, "Yeah, enough with the walk and silent treatment of his." my subconscious said to me. It's been almost half an hour since we walked out of Ibera's house. All this time we didn't even spoke a single word, all we did is just is walk with our hands inter tangled with each other.

"What happened?" he turned and asked, his voice is soft and pleasant.

"Nothing, it's just that we have to get back to the house before they start to come looking for us," I couldn't say what was in my mind. I just couldn't able to do it. So I did what was simple. I diverted the talk.

"Defense!!" he said out loud.

"No it is not," I said to him. He used to use that word whenever he feels that I am not saying whats exactly in my mind, trust me I couldn't able to figure it out how he does it, no matter how hard I try.

"Yes, you are. So don't try to deny that, just say whats in your mind," he said.

It is of no use to hide, he would figure out it anyhow, so I said it, "I wonder what you think about me triggering the curse."

"Whats there to think, you did what you had to do," he said as calm as he could.

"It is not what I meant," I don't think he don't understand what I mean. He is just making me to spill it out.

"Then, tell me what you mean by it exactly."

"Forget it, let's just get back to the house," I said and turned back to go back to the house, he pulled my hand making me turn back, making me to look back at him.

"Hey, don't be upset, look at me," he said and made me to look at those exquisite red eyes of his again, "If you're thinking whether I am upset about you triggering the curse, let me say it in words now, I wasn't upset about it Sarah not even for a second and I sure as hell won't be in future." I know he is saying the truth that I already know, but I felt it just has to be said because I want every parts in my brain to hear it out clear and loud.

"Okay," I said and backed with another question that bothered my mind, "What if things change after I become a werewolf, what if I we ch.... ?" I didn't complete the sentence but he understood what I come to say.