The stories that killed their writer

Chapter 30: What the heart says

Lana's POV

"Melody was looking at me weirdly, she probably thought I was insane or something..." I sighed before guiding a piece of meat to my mouth.

Stephanie nodded. "So you're never going to tell her about Shax?" She asked before cutting her meat as well.

I shook my head. "It's too dangerous."

She raised her eyebrows. "Why? What can Shax possibly do?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to find out."

She slowly nodded. "Does it follow you around?" She paused before adding: "Like, does it go to work with you?"

I slowly nodded.

"Really?" She seemed surprised to learn this information. "And it never bothers you there?"

"Not really."

"Interesting..." She continued eating then. "And how do you feel?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "It's all been a lot lately. Shax was gone, now it's back and it's harassing me even more than before. I hate work but I can't quit because of Melody. And then..."

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Then what?"

I gulped. "You." I looked up at her. 

"Me?" She tilted her head a bit. "What about me?"

I shrugged. "It's just a lot."

She showed me a small smile before reaching for my hand, squeezing it a little. "I understand," She looked me in the eyes. "I know this must all be hard for you, so I want you to know I'll give you all the time you need to figure everything out," She smiled a bit. "Ok?"

I smiled too and nodded.

__________________________

I sighed deeply as I finally reached the front door of my house. The walk home was terrible: a bus filled with youngsters who think they are a big deal, then a 15-minute walk in the rain. Great...

I opened the front door and dropped the keys onto a nearby table. I got rid of my wet jacket and wet shoes before heading to the living room. When I got near the tv, I noticed Melody laying on the couch. She was asleep, she probably waited for me. I smiled a bit at her. That's my wife. Why do I seem to forget that every time I'm near Steph?

I turned off the tv before walking to Melody. I pulled her up and carried her up the stairs. I walked to our room in the dark hallway. I gulped as I couldn't see anything around me. I simply hoped I wouldn't bump into something, or Shax...

We arrived in our room. I gently put her on our bed and pulled the sheets over her. I then smiled yet again at her before walking to the bathroom with my pajamas. Once there, I let out a breath I seemed to have been holding in for a while.

"You seem on edge."

I turned towards the door and sighed. "Yes, Leila," I sighed yet again. "I am."

"How come?" She asked as she walked closer to me.

I sighed. "Shax..." I put my pajamas on a chair before getting undressed. It's funny how it didn't bother me that she or any of my characters would see me naked. Somehow, they belonged to me. I didn't see them as different people. "It's harassing me. It's gotten stronger and more powerful, it's a monster. I don't know what to do..."

Leila nodded.

I looked at her. "I've never thought about how terrifying it must be for you to see Christina in her monstrous forms," I sighed. "I guess you only know how things are if you go through them yourself..."

Leila smiled sadly before sitting down on the chair my pajamas were at. "When I see Christina in that form, I'm terrified. I know she could kill me but something inside me knows she won't do that."

I took my pajama pants from her. "How do you know she won't?"

"Because she loves me."

I let out a breath. "There's the difference between us: Shax doesn't love me."

Leila looked at me. "Are you sure?"

I looked at Leila then, we suddenly got quiet. "Well..." I frowned then, suddenly I wasn't sure what my relationship with Shax was. Would it actually care about me? "It wants to hurt me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," I frowned while I put on my pajama shirt. "It ran after me the other day," I looked at Leila. "It smiles creepily. And we all know it wants me to die so it can be free."

Leila looked away, seemingly thinking about something. "When I was about to die, because of Christina's awful form, I had the help of our child," She looked at me. "Without her, Christina would've killed me."

I slowly nodded, remembering that scene.

"You need to find someone who can fight your battle with you," She said, gaining my attention. "Shax is very strong but it's not indestructible, you just need some help."

Stephanie...

"She could help indeed."

I looked up at Leila and saw she was smiling at me.

"I didn't see you as the person who'd get a crush on someone else than Melody," She smiled even more. "It's so cute to see you blush whenever we talk about her."

I looked away, feeling my face redden even more.

"She's great, you know," She said, gaining my attention. "Stephanie," She smiled. "You two seem to understand each other well."

I slowly nodded before looking down, my wedding ring came into view.

"You shouldn't feel bad for having a heart, Lana."

I couldn't keep my tears in then, I sniffled a bit. "But I do," I gulped, trying to get rid of some tears that way. "I'm married, I should be loyal to Melody."

Leila didn't agree or disagree, she simply listened to me.

"Every time I leave Steph, I can't wait to return and be back with her. But then I feel so overcome with sadness because I should be loyal to Melody," I sniffled more before I looked at Leila. "I'm disgusted at myself for feeling what I do."

Leila looked apologetic at me. "What does your heart say, Lana?"

I breathed in and out a few times, I let that question sink in. Then I looked away, thinking about the question, and I suddenly realized I had to think too long about this. The answer should come right away and from my heart. I guess those things only happen in movies and stories...

"Lana?"

I looked at her. "I don't know."