The stories that killed their writer

Chapter 21: Guilty

Lana's POV

I sighed before I stopped writing. I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head slightly. What was I doing? Why did I feel this way? I didn't do anything wrong.

I looked back at the screen and saw the little black line blink, waiting for me to press the buttons on this keyboard. But my fingers wouldn't write right now, as if they were frozen, as if they didn't know what had happened in my dream.

I got up, shut off the computer, and walked around the house. It occurred to me that, lately, I didn't seem to be too worried about Shax. In the back of my mind, Shax was still present but it's gotten less. And I don't know why.

I walked to the kitchen and smiled a bit. "What are you two doing here?"

Mark and Macy smiled as they were seated at the table. "Have a seat, dear." Macy said.

So I sat down. I immediately brought my hands together, as if I was nervous. Was I?

"What's wrong?" Mark asked.

I let out a deep breath, I knew they knew. I knew they knew everything that went through my mind. But I loved being able to talk to someone. My fictional parents. "I feel guilty."

"Why?" Macy asked before putting her hand on mine, smiling at me afterward.

I looked at our hands. "I turned Stephanie down," I looked at them. "She asked me for dinner and I said no," I sighed. "And I don't feel good about it."

"What part makes you feel bad: turning her down or not being able to go?" Macy asked.

I gulped before looking down. "I don't know," I sighed. "I really enjoyed her company last night," I paused, thinking back about it. "I wish I could go," I gulped. "But I can't." I said just above a whisper.

"Lana," Mark said, now also placing his hand on mine which gained my attention. "You'll have to look within yourself and ask yourself the question: where do you rather want to be? At home with Melody or out for dinner with Stephanie?"

I slowly nodded.

"Think about it."

I nodded before looking at them. "Thank you."

They smiled until they vanished as the front door opened. "I'm home," Melody said through the house. She walked to the kitchen, to me, and smiled. "Hey, Lana." She pecked my lips before dropping her shopping bag on the counter.

"Everything alright?"

She looked at me while zipping down her jacket. "There were a lot of people in the store... It seemed as if they all went grocery shopping at the same time..."

I smiled apologetically at her. "Wait," I got up and slowly walked to her. "Let me help you."

We unpacked her shopping bag and got everything in the right place. Melody started making dinner and I assisted her. She gave the orders and I followed them. It was actually nice, we actually had fun. Like the good old days...

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I entered the firm and walked straight to Isaac's office. Since I was one of the top writers here, I didn't have to call in. Somehow, it felt like I was cheating the whole system. Sometimes it didn't sit well with me...

I knocked on the door of his office before entering. "Hey," I walked to him and Chelsea, and sat down at Isaac's desk. "So, you wanted to talk?"

Isaac nodded before looking at his hands, he seemed nervous somehow. Why? "Lana," He paused as if looking for the right words. "We're wondering what the deal is exactly, with you and Melody."

"With your work here," Chelsea clarified. "Melody told us yesterday you quit but you told us you don't... It's confusing."

"We know you're a grown woman and Melody can't force you to quit but..."

"We know Melody has a lot of influence on you," Chelsea said to which Isaac nodded. It was clear he couldn't say that himself, as if he was scared to say that. "We're worried you might quit after some time because of her, and we count on you."

Isaac nodded again. "You're one of our best, Lana," He said, making me smile a bit. "We need to be able to count on you."

"I know," I sighed deeply. "I'm with you two," As soon as I had said those words, they smiled relieved. "I am working on another book but I'll need more time."

Isaac and Chelsea looked at each other, sharing a look, before looking at me again. "Of course," Isaac smiled a bit. "Take all the time you need."

I smiled. "Thanks."

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After I visited the firm, I walked to the park. I sat there, on a bench. I sighed as I looked around. I noticed couples on a date, families with children, young people chatting... Two people, in particular, caught my eye: two young women. They didn't seem to be that much younger than me. They were talking, having a good time, laughing together... It reminded me of my dinner with Stephanie. Was it wrong to think about her? She is my psychologist... But that's the thing, she is my psychologist, I shouldn't be thinking about her as a friend. Or should I?

I took my phone and looked for her number. I didn't save it to my contacts but I did have it in my call history. I gulped before I called her again. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

But nothing.

She didn't answer.

I sighed as I put my phone away. She must hate me. Maybe I ruined the chance for us to be friends. I couldn't blame her.

I leaned back, closing my eyes, and trying to enjoy my time here. Alone. Maybe this wasn't that bad...

I opened my eyes as I heard my phone ringing. I took it and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey, I'm sorry I missed your call, I had a patient."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see it. Somehow, her explanation made me smile more. It meant she didn't hate me for turning her down. "That's alright."

"Why did you call?" She paused before adding: "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, yes," I looked down, I couldn't seem to contain my smile anymore. "I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch together," Before she could respond, I added: "Because we couldn't have dinner last night and I - "

"I would love to, Lana."

I smiled even more. "Really?"

"Of course," I heard her walk around. "I'm on my way, where do we meet?"

Good question... I got up and looked around as if the answer would suddenly appear.

"Where are you now?" She asked.

"I'm in the park."

"I'll come and get you, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Ok." I smiled as I hung up the phone. I sat back down on the bench and let out a sigh of relief. This was going to be fun, and I finally didn't feel guilty anymore.