The stories that killed their writer

Chapter 16: Emotionally tired

Lana's POV

As I kept writing, I noticed the shadow was just standing there. It didn't move. And that terrified me. What was it waiting for? What was it doing behind me? What did it want?

"Lana?"

The shadow moved, seemingly getting closer.

"Lana?"

My heart started beating faster, I started feeling itchy on the back of my neck. And I wondered: did this have anything to do with Shax? It felt as if ants were walking down my neck, I could feel them crawl all over me. Maybe this was Shax, trying to stop me from writing?

"Lana?"

The shadow got even closer and I could see Shax's hands on either side of me. It rested its hands on the desk.

"Lana?"

I got goosebumps everywhere as I felt its breath on the back of my neck. The hairs there immediately stood up. And my heart dropped when I noticed the blood on its hands, on its claws...

"Lana?"

I blinked as I got shaken a bit. I looked up and saw Dr.Hansen. She looked very worried. "Yes?"

She released a breath. "There you are," She leaned back in her chair. "I lost you for a moment."

I gulped.

"What happened?"

I looked down as my breathing intensified.

"Ok," She leaned in again. "Close your eyes, Lana, and tell me what happened."

I looked at her before looking down, at the little notebook I was holding tightly. "I've written it in here." I then motioned to the little notebook.

She looked at it before looking at me. "Do you wish to talk about it?"

I gulped. "Everyone's afraid of Shax."

She looked at me.

"Wednesday, Estelle, and Christina all had left for days because I hadn't written about them," I gulped. "Bree was harmed badly because Shax is growing stronger."

She tilted her head slightly. "So if you write, you keep Shax under control?"

I looked at her. "A bit, I can't control Shax completely. It's too strong for that..."

She slowly nodded.

"If I don't write, it grows stronger till the point no one can fight it anymore. Then I'm at risk."

She leaned in closer. "Shax is a character you made up?"

I slowly nodded.

"Can't you undo it?"

I looked at her.

"Can't you write about it and its ending?"

I gulped. "I wish."

She looked at me, by now I knew that meant she wanted me to continue talking. She wasn't really asking a lot of questions, she was simply listening. It was something I had to get used to. You don't come across many people who simply listen. Usually, they either talk about themselves or they bombard you with millions of questions. This was different, a good different.

"I am in control of my dreams but lately, I transformed from manipulating the story into becoming a bystander," I sighed. "When I write about my dreams, my fingers do all the work. I just sit there and observe what they write down, I can't do much. It's weird." I looked back up at her then and noticed her nodding. She bit into her pen, her thinking face.

"And once it's written, you can't change it?"

I shook my head. "Wednesday changed it a few days back," I looked down then. "Shax was furious, it attacked them before coming to me."

She didn't say anything, but I knew she was looking at me, observing my behavior. She must still wonder if I had a mental problem or not... I couldn't blame her if she thought I had, it sounded like it...

I looked up at her. "I wish Melody would just let me write so I can keep everyone I care about safe."

"Are you able to talk to Melody about this? About why it is important to write?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

I sighed. "She blames writing for everything," I looked down. "She never liked my passion, she never liked me being a writer, this was her ticket to get rid of it and she took it..."

Dr.Hansen nodded before writing down on her notebook again.

"If I were to tell Melody about Shax or the others..." I sighed.

"Would she see them?"

I looked at her.

"Would she be able to see your characters?" She made herself more clearly. "Would anyone else be able to see your characters?"

"I don't know," I thought it over. "Usually they disappear when someone comes too close."

"Why is that?"

I shrugged.

She nodded before writing down on her notebook again.

I sighed, she really must think I'm crazy... 'A woman sees imaginary people no one else can see'... Yeah, it sounds crazy. Why would she bother looking more into that? No one would.

She looked at me then. "Would you be able to show these characters to anyone?"

"Maybe," I shrugged. "I'd have to ask them."

She nodded slowly before writing down again.

"I feel so anxious and on edge all the time," I said, gaining her attention immediately. "I know Shax is with me everywhere I go... I'm never relaxed."

She looked at me, again just listening.

"I've tried to relax, I've tried to communicate with Shax, I've tried everything..." I gulped as I started feeling myself get teary-eyed. "I'm just so emotionally tired."

She didn't say it but I could see she felt bad for me. Her mouth had opened a bit, indicating she was indeed touched by what I had said.

"The amount of energy it requires to constantly be on edge, to constantly be ready to flee..." I let out a breath. "It's too much."

She slowly nodded.

"I've been fighting against it for many years..." I looked down. "Maybe it's useless, maybe I should just... give up..."

"No," She leaned in closer. "You can never give up." She then, unexpectedly, placed her hand on mine.

I looked at it before looking at her.

She seemed to realize that this action was odd and so pulled back her hand. "Lana, do you want us to see each other more frequently?"

I tilted my head a bit.

"I can sense you have the need to talk about this a lot, and it sounds like you can't discuss this with anyone else..."

I slowly nodded. "Yeah," I smiled a bit. "I would like that."

She smiled too. "Very well," She then handed me a little card. "You can call me any time."

I looked from the card to her. "We already have your phone number at home, so..." I handed her the card back but she blocked it.

"That's my personal number," She smiled. "That'll be easier."

"Oh," I nodded before looking at it again. I then looked at her. "Thanks."