Lullaby of Your Embrace (COMPLETED)

Chapter 9

It was the weekend, and I didn't set up an alarm. When I awoke on the couch, sunlight shined through my window, and Benjamin sat facing me solemnly. His hands fidgeted on his lap and his eyes were cast down sadly as if he was aware he had done a wrong. I scoffed and sat up. Then, I looked down and noticed the pillow, but I hadn't gotten a pillow the night before. I didn't dare to step back into the room, at all. I lifted my legs on the table and crossed my arms, yawning. Benjamin glanced at me with his puppy eyes and looked down again.

"How was your sleep? Comfortable?" I asked, my tone laced with passive-aggressiveness.

"I'm-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come into your room like that. I thought I was dreaming," he stammered. "It's not an excuse, but I really thought I was dreaming."

"You thought you were dreaming? You dream about hugging me?" I sighed. "Well, you could have done a lot worse, then."

"Yes, I could have," Benjamin solemnly agreed, and I looked away awkwardly.

"Did you think you were dreaming when you did that thing?" I asked.

"What thing?"

"Wh-When you pulled your shorts," I mumbled with difficulty.

Benjamin turned his head to the side and remained silent. I glared at him.

"Next time, I might have to chain you on the couch or something," I said absently, rubbing my eyes.

"Next time?" he muttered, gazing at me. I realized what I'd said and internally punched myself. "You can chain me all you like," Benjamin added confidently.

"Stop. Don't give me any more ideas than I already have," I stood and lazily walked into the kitchen.

"What ideas do you already have?" he asked, following me.

I wanted to sew my mouth shut; I was just exposing myself at this point.

"Nothing you would like," I warned, hoping that would deter any further questioning. I grabbed a teabag from the cabinet.

"I'll like anything you do to me—"

"Stop! Please, stop!" I pleaded. I abandoned the teabag on the counter and tapped my forehead against the wall. My body was heating up at an extreme rate. I felt I needed to get away from him. I was afraid some line would be crossed soon.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop," Benjamin started, opening his arms for a hug. "I need a hug to make sure I'm forgiven for yesterday," he explained quietly. I looked at him and sighed. It was my fault, to begin with. He would never admit he is tired, and I drove him to exhaustion by asking him to teach me. I turned my body towards him and hugged him, my heart racing. After a few minutes passed, I yawned and mumbled, "Hey, I might sleep on your shoulder if you don't let go soon."

"Sleep, then," he patted my head.

"I want food," I whined.

"Eat me, then."

"Ben!" I lowered my hands to his chest to push him away, but his grip around me tightened. He lifted his gaze off my shoulder to face me.

"I meant 'eat with me.'"

"Can you cook?" I asked, hopeful. I was getting tired of my bland cooking.

"No," he said, shattering all my hopes.

"Then, let's go grab breakfast somewhere," I sighed and walked to my room. Benjamin's hands were still around my waist as he followed, and I abruptly stopped.

"I need to change," I said, removing his wrists.

"I won't look," he replied innocently, bringing his arms back around my neck.

"You need to change, too. Go back home, and we'll meet at Lan's in an hour." I quickly ducked out of his reach and went to my room. I didn't look back, but I was certain he held that disappointed and frowning look of his.

Driving to Lan's, a well-known breakfast restaurant all the students frequent, I kept thinking of how different and sad my life would be if I hadn't stopped that day in the hall. I turned the radio on, wanting to quieten my depressing thoughts of many what if's. What mattered now was we were going to eat waffles at Lan's. I tried to stop thinking of anything else.

I walked into the brightly lit restaurant, and Benjamin waved excitedly and walked towards me, slinging his arms over.

"Where are we sitting?" I asked, and he led me to a small table by the window. Shortly after, someone came to pick up our orders. It turned out that Benjamin liked pancakes over waffles; it was a shocking discovery for me, but I chose to remain silent.

"By the way, where do you live?" I asked him, drowning my plate with honey.

"My dad rented a house for me to stay in. He didn't really want me to stay with him for too long."

"You have family problems, too?"

He was neatly cutting the pancakes in even pieces, while I was just shoving a whole waffle down.

Benjamin shrugged, "I think it's because I look like my mom too much. She died three years ago in a car accident."

" ... I'm sorry to hear that," I said after some silence. I wished there was something different to say in these times—something more genuine.

He nodded absently and picked up the triangular pieces.

"I-I don't really get along with my family, at all. I've been disowned, actually," I said.

He looked up and gazed at me for a while. "What'd you do?" he asked curiously.

"Stop looking at me like that. I didn't do anything very terrible... We have this family business," I paused to fold another waffle and stab it with a fork. "My mom and dad are both workaholics. I was practically raised by my older sisters. Anyway, I have a younger brother that I was raising, kind of. My dad expected me to attend the nearby college and continue raising him, so I could also work in the family business after. They had it all planned out for me. When I refused, they got really angry. I guess they didn't expect their perfect, obedient daughter to want to go far away from them and do something different. They were actually planning to not let me go, even after I committed to the university. So, I just took some money from them, gathered my things, and left one night."

Benjamin hadn't touched his plate since I started my story. I had planned to never spill this much to anyone, but here I was, waiting for his response.

"That was quite selfish of them," he said, picking up his fork again.

Relief washed over me. I admitted, "I was going to cry if you said it was selfish of me."

"They wanted to trap you for their sake, and you wanted to live your life. They're the selfish ones."

I nodded slowly, "I sometimes feel guilty about it. I wonder how Tommy is doing. I kind of just abandoned him, and my sisters are left to care for him... They shouldn't even have had any children in the first place if they were just going to..."

Benjamin shook his head, "I'm glad you're here. They made the right choice with you."

I stopped chewing, my eyes moving wildly around the table. Benjamin kept eating innocently, unaware of the effect he had produced.

"Mm," I muttered and gulped down my coffee.