It's Thanksgiving today and I've never been so excited to see everyone. It's my first year without being with my mum at Thanksgiving, but I think I'll be fine. My cousins and I have always been like three sisters, so I'm pretty sure I'll be alright.
Things have been going a lot better since about three-four weeks ago. I haven't cut since then, I haven't smoked in about two months, I've found love, and I'm have happiness.
But the thing that may take that all away is my eating disorder. It's began to get out of control and it's taking over everything. I've tried to stop it, but that only makes things worse. Hopefully I can recover soon and I'll be normal again!
Letting the scars fade is still a struggle, but I know I can do this. I have to stay strong for the sake of my friends and family.
Has anyone else been suicidal? I mean the ones who read my journal. I just need to know that I'm not the only one who's thought about how they would do it, the note is already written, you know who you would say goodbye to first. It's a shame that I've actually thought these things over.
I've finally found out who I truly am. I'm Zoie. The girl that's been through shit in her childhood that most people wouldn't even go through in a lifetime. The girl that's broken, but is still picking up the pieces to her heart. The girl that covers her pain with a smile. The girl that takes out her anger on herself. The girl that doesn't trust anyone because all that she's seen. The girl that wants to get better.
But a part of me doesn't want to get better. It wants the scars on my wrist to stay, for me to suffer. And for some reason I'll miss all of the pain I put myself through. I'll miss the scars that covered my wrists. I'll miss the late nights, crying over how "fat" or "hideous" I am. I'll miss the rushing to the fridge, shoving food down my throat for comfort. I'll miss the judgmental looks my reflection gave me as I passed by the mirror. I'll miss everything.
But I'll be better, which means I'll be a totally new person. I'm really excited for that day to come.
Well, I'm gonna get ready for Thanksgiving, soooo bai.<3
YOU ARE READING
The Diary Of The Weak: My Journal
Non-FictionHer name was Zoie. A simple girl brought down to her knees, begging for mercy. Begging to be let go and be set free to live her life without shame and disgrace. Never did she know, that it would last a life time and never end. This is the story of a...
