Watford's Secret Songwriters - Snowbaz

Soft Flames

Simon

Penny went back to her dorm after that. I hope Baz will be back soon, I know he stormed off angry, but it won't last, not anymore. At least that's what I'm hoping. It's what I choose to believe. Before then, I can at least finish the song I was working on.

I'll give you my love,
Connect my heart to your veins
I'll give you my love,
Let me give you my love

Please, Baz, I want you to let me give you my love. I want to love you. Honestly. I think I've wanted to for years. I think I misplaced my feelings towards you. It wasn't hate, it was just overwhelming and I didn't realize at the time what it was. I never thought to reevaluate what it was. I guess I should've. But I've never been one to think things through. I'm not smart. I'm just Simon Snow, the Mage's Heir. All I know how to do is use a sword. Phew. Okay, Simon. Just continue writing.

I know, I know, I know, I know
This won't be easy
I know, I know, I know
It's gonna be tough

Let me give you my love,
Connect my heart to your veins
Let me give you my love,
Let me give you my love.

Baz, I know what I'm doing now. Do you know what you're doing? I want to know what he's thinking, I never know. He doesn't let me. He doesn't let anyone know, always locked up behind all those walls. He's made some holes in the wall for me to look through, but that still only let's me see a little of what's going on inside of him. What are you thinking Baz? What am I thinking? I haven't even thought if we can even work out. I'm the Mage's Heir. He's someone from the Old Families. Merlin I don't even want to think of the Humdrum. Though, it hasn't really been around much lately, which is strange. But whatever, I can worry about that another time. Can we even tell the Mage or the Old Families about us? What would they think? Nothing good. I know that for a fact. I'd be insane to tell the Mage about my feelings. He'd take Baz away from me forever if he ever knew, and I can't let that happen. I will protect Baz. From everyone.
The door opens and Baz walks into the room. He seems to have calmed down from earlier.
"Simon," Baz says.
I smile. At least he's still calling me Simon.
"I... I'm sorry, Simon. I shouldn't have gotten angry I just." Baz takes a breath. He grabs his journal and starts writing in it. It doesn't take him long to write the next part of the song. He probably thought about it while he was in the Catacombs. He hands his journal over to me.

Vulnerable. I make him vulnerable, and that makes him scared. All these years he's been running away from opening up because he's scared. I suppose I get it. Telling someone how you're feeling is terrifying. We haven't even actually told each other how we feel. Not out loud. I know why. We're both scared. But I know what I want. I hand him my journal.

Baz

I walk back to Mummer's House. I'm scared of what Simon's reaction is gonna be. I called him Snow again in the heat of the moment. I wish I didn't. This is all already painful and terrifying enough. I don't know what I'm doing. But I do know what I want. I think. But I first need to apologize to Simon. I open the door. I see Simon, and he's sitting on his bed with his journal on his lap, but it looks like he's just been thinking for a few minutes. It looks like the song he was working on is done though. He looks at me.
"Simon," I say. He smiles. Crowley. He makes me so soft. Honestly, it terrifies me. Someone who I've been fighting for the past several years, in the course of a few days, I can finally look at him how I want to. I can look at him how I want to and he'll welcome the gaze like it's all he's ever needed.
"I... I'm sorry Simon. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I just." I take a breath. I grab my journal and write the part of the song that I thought about while I was in the Catacombs. It doesn't take me very long and I soon hand it over to Simon so he can read it. He reads it. Then he hands over his journal. I read the rest of the song he wrote.